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Top Five: Christmas songs

2011-12-08T01:29:00.030-05:00

I know a list of Christmas music doesn't have a whole lot to do with film, but it's what's on the brain (and everywhere else) this time of year, so what the hell - time for a seasonal post! As torturous as some holiday music can be (I'd say the bad probably outweighs the good, sadly), don't put that shotgun to your temple just yet - there is enough of the latter to not only get you through December, but make you appreciate the month a little more, as well. After all, listening to the following five tracks is strictly prohibited any other time of year. Wouldn't wanna diminish their magic, now would we?

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#1. Christmas Time Is Here (instrumental) by Vince Guaraldi

You have no idea how difficult it is for me to keep this whole list from being comprised entirely of A Charlie Brown Christmas songs (the best Christmas album ever recorded, by a landslide), but for the sake of an interesting blog post, I had to mix it up and pick a favorite. Many credit Vince Guaraldi for bridging the gap between jazz and pop music (sparked by his 1962 B-side, Cast Your Fate to the Wind), and with this track it's easy to see, or hear, why. Christmas Time Is Here is a well-deserved anthem during the holiday season, pulling off the difficult task of sounding happy yet incredibly melancholic at the same time (perfectly capturing Charlie Brown's depression amidst all the holiday cheer in the aforementioned Peanuts special). Almost never failing to get me a little misty-eyed, it's one of those tracks that'll catch you off guard - you have to prepare yourself for when it comes on, lest you be caught weeping in a crowded mall when shopping for Christmas presents. Some holiday tunes are created with strictly children in mind, while others are clearly meant for the older crowd - I think what makes Christmas Time so universal is its continued ability to generate interest in the jazz genre amongst youngsters while striking repressed emotional nerves amongst adults. That's the key to its longevity, and what has cemented the Maestro of Menlo Park's presence around the holiday season since 1965. That and that it's simply six minutes of coolout jazz perfection. And to think network executives were strongly opposed to Guaraldi's score (which was unheard of for a children's program), as well as almost everything else that makes the special classic, prior to its airing. Fortunately, creators Charles Schulz, Bill Melendez, and Lee Mendelson persevered, and Guaraldi was able to achieve his dream of "writing standards, not just hits."

#2. Waltz of the Flowers by Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky

Again, as with A Charlie Brown Christmas, it's very hard for me to just pick one piece from The Nutcracker. Going to see it with my family around the holidays was sort of an annual tradition growing up, so naturally, Tchaikovsky's music is, has been, and forever will be associated with this time of year. For me, Waltz of the Flowers stands out as a major, if not the, primary "theme" that's somewhat representative of the whole Suite - it's powerful and nicely structured, softly easing listeners into the melodies as it gradually crescendos, before starting all over again. It's a wonderful ride Tchaikovsky takes you on, and Christmas music doesn't get much better. Plus, now I have an additional positive association with Waltz ever since its brilliantly unexpected appearance in Cowboy Bebop.

#3. Sleigh Ride by The Ronettes

In 1963, New York City girl group The Ronettes took Sleigh Ride (already one of the better Christmas standards) and knocked it out of the park with this version that's guaranteed to make toes tap. One of the best, family-friendly holiday songs out there, it's ironic that it ultimately came from such a twisted murderer.

#4. Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney

Nobody does cheesy like Sir Paul McCartney. Practically dripping with his trademark whimsy, this 1979 gem packs some surprising thump with a prophetic synthesizer riff that delivers a preview of sounds to come in the following decade. Sure, the song's catchy, but it's McCartney's sincerity in the face of such cornball antics that ultimately make it so irresistibly charming. With tunes such as this, he's really gunning for that title of sweetest person on the planet.

#5. Last Christmas by Wham!

Never in a million years would I have thought anything remotely related to Wham! would ever find its way to this blog, but here we are. I've always had a soft spot for this relative downer of a holiday standard, and the 1984 original by the British pop duo is my favorite version. The most embarrassing inclusion on this list, to be sure (hey, I did put it at number five), it was also featured on Huffington Post's recent list of 15 Christmas Songs Too Annoying For Words. To each their own, I guess!

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Agree? Disagree? Have your own unsung Christmas jams worth mentioning? Let me know in the comments section, but before signing off, here's a slew of other holiday tunes I stand by that just missed the cut and are sure to keep you cool this Yule:

I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm by Billie Holiday (Verve Remixed)

Waltz For Zizi by Yoko Kanno (totally not a Christmas song, but it makes ya wanna curl up by the fireplace, don't it?)

Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto by James Brown

Pocketful Of Miracles by Frank Sinatra (again, not really a Christmas song, but it sure sounds like/might as well be one)

Boss Hog Egg Nog by J-Zone aka Chief Chinchilla (NSFW)

Christmas Coming by Alton Ellis

Merry Merry Christmas by The Flames

Christmas Is by Run DMC (far superior to Christmas In Hollis, trust me)

Little Saint Nick by The Beach Boys

African Sleigh Ride by Vince Guaraldi (not on A Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack)

The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole (classic for a reason)

Happy Holidays!

Name That Film - #32

2011-11-18T13:16:00.001-05:00

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Name That Film - #31

2011-11-05T23:46:00.004-04:00

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Name That Film - #30

2011-10-27T02:14:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #29

2011-10-17T12:09:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #28

2011-08-27T14:22:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #27

2011-08-26T13:28:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #26

2011-08-24T15:34:00.000-04:00

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Name That Film - #25

2011-08-20T12:45:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #24

2011-08-09T21:57:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #23

2011-08-05T23:57:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #22

2011-08-02T12:59:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #21

2011-06-20T00:25:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #20

2011-06-14T01:19:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #19

2011-06-11T14:20:00.000-04:00

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Name That Film - #18

2011-06-09T00:03:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #17

2011-06-06T21:50:00.008-04:00

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"You Just Don't Get It, Do You?"

2011-06-04T01:40:00.014-04:00

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NOTE: I apologize for the recent technical difficulties. All links have been repaired and the "You Just Don't Get It, Do You?" montage is back online - it can now be seen here (alongside the rest of the Bottoms Up Productions archive), or simply on the article below. Sorry for the inconvenience! - Jeff Smith, 6/6/11

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The latest Bottoms Up Production is finished and online, so I think that warrants a pumpkin bomb special alert, don't you? For those who don't know, I've been trying my hand at movie montages/mashups/supercuts as of late, and this edit is my second foray into the field (after Glove, Actually - An Ode to Cinema's Greatest Slaps, which appeared back in January). The success of that initial montage got the attention of several different websites, including acclaimed movie blog FilmDrunk.com, which commissioned me for the video I present to you now.

Little backstory: There's kind of a joke within the film industry that you know you're in the midst of a poor script if, at any point, a character utters the phrase, "You just don't get it, do you?". Usually this clunky bit of dialogue is reserved as a sort of fallback for lazy screenwriters, acting as a preface for when their characters become overly expository (breaking down the plot in the simplest terms possible for the audience, rather than anyone in the actual film/story). When trying to decide what montage to chase Glove, Actually with, my good friend/fellow cinephile Josh Eckert and I quickly decided on this cliche. Now, not all the films in this video are rubbish - the point is simply to illustrate just how widely this particular line has spread across cinema, both good and bad (mostly bad, though). And although I don't expect it to blow up like Glove, Actually did (it's certainly not as in-your-face funny as seven minutes of slaps, but hey, few things are), I do think all the examples cobbled together provide some fun, out-of-context yuks. So, without further ado, I proudly present: "You Just Don't Get It, Do You?" - A Montage of Cinema's Worst Writing Cliche - both the actual video (also embedded below) and original FilmDrunk article, which was posted today by Mr. Vince Mancini. Enjoy!

P.S. For the first month (so, until July 3rd, I believe), my additional compensation is determined by the number of hits, so definitely feel free to spread this thing around if you know someone who would get a kick out of it (or hell, even if you don't). Let's get me paid!

"You Just Don't Get It, Do You?" - the films revealed!

2011-06-02T00:10:00.014-04:00

As with Glove, Actually - An Ode to Cinema's Greatest Slaps, many of the clips in "You Just Don't Get It, Do You?" - A Montage of Cinema's Worst Writing Cliche fly by at an alarming rate. So, for you curious fans out there, here is the list of films in its entirety, in the order they appear in the montage. Aren't you happy? Now you'll finally be able to "get" it!

0:00 - 2:00
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1. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
2. Breaking and Entering (2006)
3. Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
4. Annapolis (2006)
5. Daylight (1996)
6. Platoon (1986)
7. The Invincible Iron Man (2007)
8. Tooth Fairy (2010)
9. Hud (1963)
10. The General's Daughter (1999)
11. Clockers (1995)
12. The Karate Kid, Part III (1989)
13. I Sell the Dead (2008)
14. Norbit (2007)
15. Cruel Intentions 3 (2004)
16. Danika (2006)
17. Meet the Browns (2008)
18. The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
19. Music Within (2007)
20. Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993)
21. In the Cut (2003)
22. Laws of Attraction (2004)
23. Married to the Mob (1988)
24. Stigmata (1999)
25. Is It Fall Yet? (2000)
26. Space Truckers (1996)

2:00 - 4:00
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27. Speed (1994)
28. The Hottie & the Nottie (2008)
29. The Hottie & the Nottie (2008)
30. Unthinkable (2010)
31. Dead Ringers (1988)
32. Crows Zero (2007)
33. It's a Boy Girl Thing (2006)
34. My Cousin Vinny (1992)
35. The Rookie (1990)
36. Kangaroo Jack (2003)
37. Stigmata (1999)
38. Four Lions (2010)
39. Insomnia (2002)
40. Supernova (2000)
41. Coraline (2009)
42. Frat Party (2009)
43. Jumper (2008)
44. Jumper (2008)
45. Scary Movie 4 (2006)
46. Shaft (2000)
47. Toy Story (1995)
48. The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976)
49. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009)
50. So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)
51. Last Light (1993)
52. Eye of the Beast (2007)
53. Cliffhanger (1993)
54. ATL (2006)
55. Diary of a Mad Black Woman (2005)

4:00 - 6:00
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56. Hitch (2005)
57. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
58. The Prestige (2006)
59. After School Special (2003)
60. Particles of Truth (2003)
61. 25th Hour (2002)
62. After School Special (2003)
63. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
64. Sugarhouse (2007)
65. The Terminator (1984)
66. Mission: Impossible II (2000)
67. Monsters vs Aliens (2009)
68. And Then Came Lola (2009)
69. The Final Season (2007)
70. Mandragora (1997)
71. Miss Conception (2008)
72. Racing with the Moon (1984)
73. Garage Days (2002)
74. Soldier (1998)
75. The Second Civil War (1997)
76. RKO 281 (1999)
77. Gabriel (2007)
78. Shadow of Fear (2004)
79. Pinocchio 3000 (2004)
80. I Witness (2003)
81. Side Effects (2005)
82. XIII: The Conspiracy (2008)
83. The Quiet Family (1998)
84. Loch Ness (1996)

6:00 - ENDING CREDIT
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85. Covert One: The Hades Factor (2006)
86. Throttle (2005)
87. Spartan (2004)
88. The Truth About Love (2005)
89. Unknown (2006)
90. Out for Blood (2004)
91. After Sex (2007)
92. Three Can Play That Game (2007)
93. 100 Feet (2008)
94. Black Knight (2001)
95. Hot Rod (2007)
96. Payback (1999)
97. How to Deal (2003)
98. Another Gay Movie (2006)
99. Cheats (2002)
100. Exam (2009)
101. Like Minds (2006)
102. The General's Daughter (1999)

Name That Film - #16

2011-05-31T00:03:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #15

2011-05-28T01:44:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #14

2011-05-25T21:12:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #13

2011-05-24T22:28:00.004-04:00

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Name That Film - #12

2011-05-23T19:24:00.002-04:00

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Name That Film - #11

2011-05-22T00:50:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #10

2011-05-07T02:04:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #9

2011-05-05T01:11:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #8

2011-05-02T18:24:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #7

2011-04-29T15:11:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #6

2011-04-28T00:26:00.001-04:00

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Name That Film - #5

2011-04-24T23:23:00.005-04:00

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Name That Film - #4

2011-04-22T11:45:00.005-04:00

Game on, people! Who's got it in them to name this film:

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Name That Film - #3

2011-04-12T22:11:00.002-04:00

On-to-the-next-one, on-to-the-next-one...

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Name That Film - #2

2011-03-27T21:01:00.007-04:00

Let's see who's sharp enough to guess the movie this screenshot belongs to:

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Name That Film - #1

2011-03-17T00:33:00.014-04:00

Wanna play a little game? See if you can name the flick this screenshot belongs to...

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Glove, Actually - the films revealed!

2011-01-26T01:01:00.013-05:00

Due to the blink-and-you-might-miss-it nature of many clips in Glove, Actually - An Ode to Cinema's Greatest Slaps (and in case anyone is actually interested in the context behind these slaps), I thought it only fair to post the full list of movies used in the tribute and put to rest burning questions such as, "Who is that guy???" (2:33 and 5:39). Well, correction - I'm not going to say who, but since you have the title, now you can watch and find out for yourself! So, as promised, here is the list of clips in its entirety, in the order they appear in the montage:

PRE-OPENING CREDIT CLIPS
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1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
2. Humoresque (1946)
3. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
4. Monster-in-Law (2005)
5. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
6. Baby Boy (2001)
7. The Great Lie (1941)
8. A Bronx Tale (1993)
9. RocknRolla (2008)
10. Scrooged (1988)
11. The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001)

POST-OPENING CREDIT CLIPS - 3:00
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12. The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
13. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
14. The Orphanage (2007)
15. The World Is Not Enough (1999)
16. When Harry Met Sally... (1989)
17. Queen Bee (1955)
18. The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear (1991)
19. Waterworld (1995)
20. The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)
21. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
22. Rumble in the Bronx (1995)
23. The Deer Hunter (1978)
24. Father Goose (1964)
25. Coffy (1973)
26. Donnie Brasco (1997)
27. Goodfellas (1990)
28. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
29. The Maltese Falcon (1941)
30. American Beauty (1999)
31. Drunken Master (1978)
32. Army of Darkness (1992)
33. Pretty Woman (1990)
34. Possessed (1947)
35. Notes on a Scandal (2006)
36. The Lion King (1994)
37. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
38. Hero Never Dies (1998)
39. City of God (2002)
40. Le Doulos (1962)
41. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
42. Mean Streets (1973)
43. The Mistress of Spices (2005)
44. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
45. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
46. Shaun of the Dead (2004)
47. 25th Hour (2002)
48. The Lion King (1994)
49. The Birds (1963)
50. There Will Be Blood (2007)
51. Sin City (2005)
52. Drunken Master (1978)
53. What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)
54. Summer of Sam (1999)
55. Police Story (1985)
56. Mobile Suit Gundam Wing: The Movie - Endless Waltz (2000)
57. Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
58. City of God (2002)
59. A Bronx Tale (1993)
60. Rumble in the Bronx (1995)
61. A Prophet (2009)
62. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
63. Humoresque (1946)
64. Chasing Amy (1997)
65. The Exorcist (1973)
66. Léon (1994)
67. Ratatouille (2007)
68. Titanic (1997)
69. Mommie Dearest (1981)
70. The Deer Hunter (1978)
71. Monster-in-Law (2005)
72. Waterworld (1995)
73. Exiled (2006)
74. Donnie Brasco (1997)
75. Casino (1995)
76. Cruising (1980)
77. Analyze This (1999)
78. The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze (1963)
79. Notes on a Scandal (2006)
80. The World Is Not Enough (1999)
81. Notes on a Scandal (2006)
82. Toy Story (1995)
83. Better Luck Tomorrow (2002)
84. GoldenEye (1995)
85. Drunken Master (1978)
86. Father Goose (1964)
87. In the Heat of the Night (1967)

3:00 - 5:00
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88. Friday After Next (2002)
89. Gangs of New York (2002)
90. Monster-in-Law (2005)
91. The Maltese Falcon (1941)
92. Batman Begins (2005)
93. The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze (1963)
94. Analyze This (1999)
95. Key Largo (1948)
96. RocknRolla (2008)
97. City of God (2002)
98. Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
99. Blazing Saddles (1974)
100. RocknRolla (2008)
101. Donnie Brasco (1997)
102. RocknRolla (2008)
103. The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze (1963)
104. Groundhog Day (1993)
105. A Better Tomorrow (1986)
106. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
107. American Gangster (2007)
108. Les Misérables (1998)
109. The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze (1963)
110. Scrooged (1988)
111. The Great Lie (1941)
112. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
113. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
114. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
115. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
116. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)
117. You Only Live Twice (1967)
118. Jaws (1975)
119. There Will Be Blood (2007)
120. Moonstruck (1987)
121. Friday After Next (2002)
122. Empire of the Sun (1987)
123. Monster-in-Law (2005)
124. Notorious (2009)
125. A Bronx Tale (1993)
126. The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze (1963)
127. Airplane! (1980)
128. The Deer Hunter (1978)
129. Airplane! (1980)
130. Rashomon (1950)
131. Airplane! (1980)
132. Mean Streets (1973)
133. Goldfinger (1964)
134. Drunken Master (1978)
135. My Blueberry Nights (2007)
136. There Will Be Blood (2007)
137. Friday After Next (2002)
138. Bad Guy (2001)
139. The Deer Hunter (1978)
140. My Blueberry Nights (2007)
141. Click (2006)
142. Le Doulos (1962)
143. There Will Be Blood (2007)
144. Raging Bull (1980)
145. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
146. National Security (2003)

5:00 - ENDING CREDIT
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147. The Great Lie (1941)
148. The Abyss (1989)
149. The Notebook (2004)
150. Groundhog Day (1993)
151. Jailhouse Rock (1957)
152. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
153. La Haine (1995)
154. The Graduate (1967)
155. Raging Bull (1980)
156. Mean Streets (1973)
157. The Big Sleep (1946)
158. Cruising (1980)
159. The Lion King (1994)
160. Chinatown (1974)
161. There Will Be Blood (2007)
162. Contempt (1963)
163. Raging Bull (1980)
164. American Beauty (1999)
165. Pay It Forward (2000)
166. Mildred Pierce (1945)
167. Ratatouille (2007)
168. The Deer Hunter (1978)
169. Rope (1948)
170. Sleeper (1973)
171. Cruel Intentions (1999)
172. Slumdog Millionaire (2008)
173. Baby Boy (2001)
174. The Deer Hunter (1978)
175. Friday After Next (2002)
176. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
177. Jungle Fever (1991)
178. Liar Liar (1997)
179. Goodfellas (1990)
180. Mommie Dearest (1981)
181. The Mist (2007)
182. Bad Guy (2001)
183. Father Goose (1964)
184. Mermaids (1990)
185. The Notebook (2004)
186. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007)
187. Donnie Brasco (1997)
188. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
189. The Hot Chick (2002)
190. Exiled (2006)
191. Chinese Box (1997)
192. The Deer Hunter (1978)
193. The Deer Hunter (1978)
194. The Deer Hunter (1978)
195. The Deer Hunter (1978)
196. The Deer Hunter (1978)
197. The Golden Compass (2007)
198. Mildred Pierce (1945)
199. Closer (2004)
200. The Godfather: Part II (1974)
201. Moonstruck (1987)
202. Possessed (1947)

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Whew! That took longer than expected.

Feelin' slaphappy???

2011-01-19T19:57:00.019-05:00

Oh, shit! It's a pumpkin bomb special alert, so listen up, because I don't just drop those for anything - the latest Bottoms Up Productions project is finally done, up, and running for your viewing pleasure! The title is Glove, Actually - An Ode to Cinema's Greatest Slaps, and the name about says it all. I've been hard at work editing this beast of a montage since fall of 2010, but the concept itself has been percolating since my high school days, so it feels great to finally get it out of my system. You can check it out on youtube, my vimeo page, and myspace, or simply click the video below (the size and quality here aren't quite as good as on the aforementioned pages, but it's up to you). Enjoy, let me know what you think, and don't hesitate to pass it along to anyone you think'll get a kick out of it!

New and improved BUP videos!

2010-09-23T22:16:00.010-04:00

Thought I'd let everyone know about my new Bottoms Up Productions vimeo page - it basically functions just as my old youtube one did (serving as a hub for all the videos in my filmography), but with significantly better quality. The visuals shouldn't be nearly as chunky and jittery now, so I figured I'd make a proper announcement. Check it out by clicking on the above link, heading over to the official myspace, or just taking a look at the updated movies in the sidebar here. Considerably smoother, no? I have almost the whole Bottoms Up Productions archive uploaded on the new site, save for a couple of student shorts (nothing anyone will miss, I'm sure). Rest assured, though, it'll all get there - I'm uploading as we speak (or, uh, type).

Also, if you haven't already, be sure to check out the latest Bottoms Up Production, Discover Your True Love, which I shot and edited this past spring. Originally a contest entry/commercial for Xocai Energy Drink, I got a little carried away with the length, so now it plays more like a short film. It's on the myspace/vimeo archive/sidebar, but for the sake of convenience, here it is below. Enjoy, and as always, let me know what you think.

Afterthoughts: Iron Man 2

2010-05-10T02:15:00.008-04:00

SPOILER WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IRON MAN 2!!!
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Aww, now where was THIS scene...?
Saw Iron Man 2 the other night and while I enjoyed it enough, there wasn't a lot that went above and beyond to really impress me either, which is somewhat of a disappointment when you consider how stellar 2008's first installment was. As most are fully aware, the usual pattern for superhero flicks is the sequel upping the ante in most of the categories since the pesky origin story is out of the way. More specifically - now that the characters have been introduced, the director now has free rein to flesh them out and add depth to the overall universe they've created while delivering action superior to that of the original (and maybe taking some risks with the story at the same time). Superman 2, X2, and Spider-Man 2 all successfully hit these marks whereas Iron Man 2 does not, and while I'm usually against rigid "formulas" when it comes to filmmaking (for the most part, I'm an advocate of the "rules were made to be broken" philosophy), I think this one in particular is an exception. It just fucking works, as evidenced by the wonders it did for the three aforementioned sequels, so I guess I'm saying that, at least in the case of superhero flicks: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Still trying to figure out whether director Jon Favreau attempted this pattern and it just didn't come together, or if he purposely tried to take things in a new direction...and it still didn't come together.

Part of what I enjoyed so much about the original was how grounded the narrative was. That is to say, it was treating and telling its outlandish story (it is a superhero movie, I remind you) as realistically as possible. Stark didn't make his way out of the caves until damn near an hour into the film, and even once he built the Iron Man suit, a lot of screentime was devoted to him growing accustomed to it, fumbling around, working out the kinks, and so on (the sort of issues one probably would come across if a suit such as that existed). Certain scenes in the sequel clashed with this trait - Stark and Rhodes' skirmish at the birthday party, for example. Again, in 2008 we all witnessed how long it took Stark to get used to such an advanced suit (to the point where he could actually use it smoothly and as he saw fit), but here we see Rhodes flying, punching, and blasting away as if he'd had one of his own for years. Maybe this is unnecessary nitpicking and I'm dissecting where I shouldn't, but it did rub me the wrong way. That and the whole scene reeking of silliness. I mean, that bit with the DJ and the music? Come on. Awkward and out of place, I got the sense that my theater's audience (a packed house) wasn't laughing and reacting as much as they were supposed to. No one really knew what to do with it and just kinda scratched their heads in confusion. At least that was the vibe I got.

Other thoughts: Scarlett Johansson's character was pretty much throwaway and Favreau's increased screentime was a little distracting, as well - isn't he just supposed to be the driver? I kept wondering why he was in every other scene. It kept happening until finally culminating near the end of the film where he's given his own little action sequence (alongside Johansson's leg-takedown-followed-by-camera-mugging bits - meh). Nothing against Favreau whatsoever, I just question the logic of drastically expanding a bit part that didn't need to go beyond what should be a simple "director's cameo" (although repeatedly hitting Whiplash with the car was pretty fun, I must admit). Maybe Favs misses the acting scene a little and just wanted to return to the other side of the camera for a change. Who knows. Cheadle gave a decent enough performance as James Rhodes, but it was about what I expected - he did what he could and certainly wasn't bad, but Terence Howard seemed like he was better suited for the role (that and the jarring change of actors bugs me in itself). What can you do - I can't name a better replacement off the top of my head, it's just a shame things couldn't have been worked out with Howard (for consistency's sake, if nothing else). You gotta imagine what's going through that dude's head when watching Iron Man 2 though, seeing what was supposed to be him kicking all this ass as War Machine. I probably just wouldn't watch it.

Thought there could've been a little more action in Iron Man 2, as well. The first movie, in all honesty, didn't have a lot either, but I felt its stronger plot made up for it. Here, the proceedings dragged just a touch, and I could've done with another action sequence here or there to liven things up. As far as the battles we did get, they were enjoyable enough and definitely serviceable - I think I was just hoping for a little more. Despite the inclusion of War Machine, nothing here really topped the fights we got in the original. Remember Stark's rescue of that village during one of his first official outings in the suit? Nothing in the sequel thrilled me like that sequence, but upon further reflection, maybe that's just me being desensitized to the Iron Man-style of action. The aforementioned scene in the first movie was kind of moviegoers' first taste of the suit's offensive capabilities, so maybe I'm being unfair. You can only see Iron Man in action for the "first time" once, but is it too much to ask for that same "wow" factor, just under different circumstances?

Before I start sounding too negative (too late, I know), let me mention what I did like. Comedically, Iron Man 2 was on point (the bits with the desk sculpture and O'Reilly being standouts) - Downey Jr. was solid, as expected, and had good chemistry with the rest of the cast. I read an interview with Favreau where he says improvisation is definitely incorporated into how he directs and it shows - not a surprise when you consider his Swingers/Second City-background. Speaking of Swingers, anyone else catch the slight reference with Average White Band's "Pick Up The Pieces" (the song Justin Hammer was dancing to before introducing his drones at the expo)? - can't imagine Favreau putting that music in without making the personal connection. Speaking of Justin Hammer, I'm becoming more and more of a Sam Rockwell fan every day. He was clearly enjoying himself with this role, and it made for a really entertaining performance - maybe it's time I bumped Moon up on the Netflix queue (and maybe I'll forgive him for Everybody's Fine, while I'm at it).

In summation, contrary to the tone of this review, I did like Iron Man 2. It was a good time at the movies - fun, well-made, decent enough action/comedy, and it didn't do anything to derail or turn me off the franchise altogether (unlike X-Men 3 or last summer's poor excuse for a superhero flick Wolverine). I'm only slightly let down because I think I expected something a little more remarkable or mind-blowing and I got just a solid movie instead. Oh, well - doesn't mean I won't be in line for Iron Man 3.

Top 50 Films Of The Aughts (2000-2009)

2010-01-23T19:31:00.018-05:00

I'm aware this list is popping up a tad late (most posted theirs sometime in December), but there are two key reasons which somewhat explain the delay. The first is that this is a "joint" list, compiled by both myself and my older brother. The second is Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 on the Xbox 360 (which I picked up in November - "Sam Seed 007" is my gamertag, for whoever is interested).

My brother James and I see eye to eye on most things cinematic, so putting this list together wasn't too difficult. That being said, choosing the top 50 films of this past decade is quite the undertaking for any movie fanatic, and we were no exception. The occasional disagreement slowed the overall process down a bit (James has yet to understand or appreciate the brilliance of 25th Hour while I still haven't seen Exiled), but after some organized bouts of cyber-squabbling, we were able to come up with our final 50 picks. A few quick disclaimers before diving into the festivities: With the exception of the number one spot, there is no particular order to the choices, which I've decided to list alphabetically. Also, neither James or I claim to have seen every film that has been released during the past ten years - various list-heavy entries such as Mulholland Dr. and There Will Be Blood somehow eluded one if not both of us, so this is me basically saying that the following is merely our personal two cents rather than a truly comprehensive list. Now, with that out of the way, please enjoy and feel free to comment with thoughts on our choices, as well as picks of your own.

- Jeff S.

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#1: Match Point (2005, Woody Allen)

There was little to no discussion on this one - both James and I immediately agreed that Match Point was this decade's film to beat. Allen's masterpiece essentially gives a giant middle finger to all conventional themes of fate and morality by presenting audiences with the notion that perhaps we all live in a godless universe where there is no rhyme or reason, where evil doesn't necessarily go punished, and where one can get away unspeakably heinous acts if they're smart or simply lucky enough. Masterfully directed, brilliantly paced, and expertly acted, Match Point has continued to stun on each of my repeated viewings, proving itself as a film where every moment is to be savored. If you haven't already, do yourself a favor and see it - movies with balls this big don't come around very often. - Jeff S.

Raising the stakes on his own Crimes and Misdemeanors in thematic terms of religion and morality, Woody Allen’s Match Point is the closest the aughts came to giving us a perfect movie. Fronting the deeper elements in the film is a pitch-perfect melodrama dealing with love, class, fidelity, family, and more than anything else, luck. A haunting soundtrack of opera selections provides the icing on the cake. Horrendously overlooked on other “best of” lists, Match Point is the greatest film of our young millennium. - James S.

#2: 2046 (2004, Wong Kar-Wai)

The highly anticipated science fiction non-sequel to In The Mood For Love is not so much about science fiction as it is regret, remembrance, and melancholy. 2046 is supposedly a place where people go who can't forget (about lost loves). In a sense, Wong Kar-Wai had to make this film to truly get over In The Mood For Love. - James S.

#3: 25th Hour (2002, Spike Lee)

Although a lot of viewers, usually white audiences, tend to overrate it (few things irritate me more than when people say 25th Hour and Do The Right Thing are the only good Spike Lee movies), this is a solid addition to the director's already-impressive filmography. It's one of the first movies to not only acknowledge the events of September 11th (rather than look the other way, sweeping America's current circumstances under the rug), but also to skillfully incorporate the tragedy into its plot. By the way, watch the club scenes in the second half with a good sound system - you'll thank me later. - Jeff S.

#4: Amores Perros (2000, Alejandro González Iñárritu)

One of the more stunning director debuts of the decade, Amores Perros shows how a plot of separate threads revolving around a central event can still result in gripping, visceral, and poignant cinema. My favorite segment is the middle one, when the dog gets stuck under the floor. - James S.

#5: The Aviator (2004, Martin Scorsese)

Essentially Raging Bull with planes instead of fists. Gets better after each viewing. Now show me all the blueprints. - James S.

#6: Bamboozled (2000, Spike Lee)

An proper example of Spike Lee's in-your-face controversy done well, his story of modern-day minstrelsy (largely in the media - television, specifically) is thought-provoking, purposely uncomfortable to watch, and frighteningly ahead of its time, especially when you consider 2003's Chappelle's Show and the public's reaction to it. - Jeff S.

#7: Battle Royale (2000, Kinji Fukasaku)

Battle Royale is perhaps the cult classic of the decade, and it also doubles as a master’s course in game theory. Taking a plot basically composed of teenagers killing each other with varied weaponry, Fukasaku uses material that most would’ve played for camp value and plays it straight, with fantastic results. - James S.

#8: Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (2007, Sidney Lumet)

A total sucker for "shit hits the fan" movies, how could I not love Before The Devil Knows You're Dead? This story of a simple jewelry heist gone horribly wrong is like seeing a train wreck in slow motion, and watching the lives of the two protagonists go spiraling down the toilet made for one of the best films I'd seen in a while. - Jeff S.

#9: A Bittersweet Life (2005, Ji-woon Kim)

One part ridiculous, balls-out crime/action extravaganza, one part Buddhist parable. The synthesis of the two is what makes A Bittersweet Life so unforgettable. Oh, and Lee Byung Hyun is cooler than God. - James S.

#10: Blow (2001, Ted Demme)

Although it owes a bit too much to Goodfellas, this rise-and-fall true crime story is alive with style and energy to spare. - Jeff S.

#11: Brokeback Mountain (2005, Ang Lee)

Much more than its restrictive "gay cowboy movie" label would lead you to believe, Brokeback Mountain's tale of a strained and somewhat doomed relationship easily transcends its characters' sexualities. Forget The Dark Knight - this is easily Heath Ledger's finest performance. - Jeff S.

#12: Casino Royale (2006, Martin Campbell)

Shedding Die Another Day's more questionable antics, Daniel Craig's rugged debut as 007 delivers some of best action sequences in the entire franchise. - Jeff S.

#13: Catch Me If You Can (2002, Steven Spielberg)

An overlooked masterpiece of the decade and of Spielberg's career, perhaps because of its seemingly fluffy subject matter. Catch Me If You Can is a superbly crafted paen to ambition and the pre-Kennedy assassination 60s, and is also frequently hilarious in a low-key Spielbergian way. Tom Hanks is great as the stuffy foil, DiCaprio puts his boyish looks to good use, and even gets some drinks spilled on his Italian knit cotton vest. - James S.

#14: Children Of Men (2006, Alfonso Cuarón)

Children Of Men grabs you by the throat from the opening sequence and refuses to let go. A dystopian vision wrapped inside a chase film, it jams so much detail, backstory, and food for thought in every frame you barely notice El Chivo's once in a lifetime, bravura cinematography. - James S.

#15: City Of God (2002, Fernando Meirelles)

Dripping with style that actually enhances the storytelling rather than detract from it, City Of God is one of the best directed films I've ever seen. Forget the millennium - it might even crack my top ten, period. - Jeff S.

#16: Cowboy Bebop: Knockin' On Heaven's Door (2001, Shinichirô Watanabe)

There isn't enough room to describe the brilliance of the television anime, so let's just say Knockin' On Heaven's Door is a superb entry into the Cowboy Bebop series. Spike Spiegel confirms his place among the coolest characters ever (a combination of Bruce Lee, Han Solo, and Cool Hand Luke), and ridiculous action sequences and jazzy riffs abound. - James S.

#17: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000, Ang Lee)

Ang Lee's wuxia, passion project showed me that martial arts films could be more than just cool action, silly camerawork, and funny voice dubs. Everything in this film still holds up ten years later, from the cinematography and fights to Zhang Ziyi's beauty. - Jeff S.

#18: The Darjeeling Limited (2007, Wes Anderson)

Critics overlooked The Darjeeling Limited because it was too similar to Wes Anderson's other features. That's the same reason I loved it. Jason Schwartzman and music by Satyajit Ray are always nice touches, but Adrien Brody acts everyone else out of the water. - James S.

#19: District 9 (2009, Neill Blomkamp)

Neill Blomkamp's original take on alien invasion not only delivers an effective allegory for South African apartheid, but also some stunning action sequences to boot. District 9 came out of nowhere during summer 2009, blowing nearly every other movie that season out of the water. And with only a 30 million dollar budget (chump change, by Hollywood standards)! - Jeff S.

#20: Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004, Michel Gondry)

Charlie Kaufman's arguably best finds a perfect partner in Michel Gondry's homemade directing. Attempting to move beyond a lost love is something everyone has to deal with, and the science fiction notion of memory erasing literalizes that concept. Too bad that Jim Carrey didn't know that those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. A mind-bender in only the best sense of the word. - James S.

#21: Exiled (2006, Johnnie To)

Johnnie To hits his stride and makes a bid for filmmaker of the decade with this and Sparrow. The quintessential Eastern Western, Exiled is the heroic bloodshed film everyone was waiting to come out of Hong Kong since John Woo left in 1992. - James S.

#22: Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009, Wes Anderson)

Despite the aesthetic makeover and prior source material, Fantastic Mr. Fox unmistakably looks and sounds like a Wes Anderson film - a very good thing. The stop-motion work exhibited here feels both vintage and fresh at the same time, proving that when it comes to animation, there's more than one way to skin a cat. - Jeff S.

#23: Gangs Of New York (2002, Martin Scorsese)

Although initially a slow burn, I find myself returning to Scorsese's epic history lesson over and over again. The generic "you killed my father" revenge plot is, in the end, wisely trivialized and sidestepped in favor of more important issues (the 1863 New York draft riots), greatly elevating the film as a whole. - Jeff S.

#24: Hero (2002, Zhang Yimou)

Zhang Yimou dabbles in wuxia while cinematographer Christopher Doyle creates a painting with nearly every shot - Hero is poetry in motion. - Jeff S.

#25: High Fidelity (2000, Stephen Frears)

This refreshingly honest film about relationships (both the falling in and out of love) is told from a largely male perspective and exposes the subculture of music snobbery/elitism in the process. A perfectly balanced blend of both comedy and drama, High Fidelity is infinitely rewatchable. - Jeff S.

#26: House Of Flying Daggers (2004, Zhang Yimou)

Yimou's second wuxia film is packed with more plot twists than you can shake a stick at, but it all plays out well, engrossing the audience without overwhelming or confusing them. The cinematography we've come to expect from a Yimou movie is in full effect. - Jeff S.

#27: The Incredibles (2004, Brad Bird)

Brad Bird's finest film of his still-young career. Outrageous action scenes and gorgeous animation bolster this Randian ode to individualism. - James S.

#28: In The Mood For Love (2000, Wong Kar-Wai)

Wong Kar-Wai reinvented his own stylistic conventions as well as our notions of what a love story can be with In The Mood For Love. Tony Leung, Maggie Cheung, and a sweltering vision of 1960s Hong Kong left me frustrated, nostalgic, and amorous all at the same time. Dangerously close to stealing Match Point’s #1 spot on this list. - James S.

#29: Lost In Translation (2003, Sofia Coppola)

Sofia Coppola's love letter to the city of Tokyo contains one of the most complex portrayals of a relationship I think I've ever seen. The beautifully ambiguous ending cements it as an all-time classic. - Jeff S.

#30: Memento (2000, Christopher Nolan)

Christopher Nolan gives the seemingly contrived technique of telling a story backwards purpose by making the protagonist amnesic. Thus the audience is forced to become amnesic as well. One of the best of the decade if only for its ingenuity and boldness. - James S.

#31: Minority Report (2002, Steven Spielberg)

The future presented here is not only a wonder to behold, but also relatively plausible. With an intelligent plot supplementing the onscreen action, Minority Report serves as further proof that Spielberg is the master of the modern blockbuster. - Jeff S.

#32: Munich (2005, Steven Spielberg)

Anyone that still accuses Spielberg of not offering "difficult" films and forcing "happy" endings obviously hasn't taken in Munich. It tackles messy political and philosophical issues while doing its best imitation of a 1970s thriller. As in reality, no punches are pulled and solutions don't come easy. Eric Bana, Daniel Craig, and Mathieu Kassowitz all give tremendous performances. - James S.

#33: My Blueberry Nights (2007, Wong Kar-Wai)

Wong Kar-Wai's poetic musings on life and love translate surprisingly well to the U.S. in this tale of a woman trying to find out how you "say goodbye to someone you can't imagine living without". The answer is simple, as it turns out, but the story of how she reaches this conclusion is effectively told. - Jeff S.

#34: The Namesake (2006, Mira Nair)

Overlooked adaptation of Jhumpa Lahiri’s heartfelt novel on family and the immigrant experience. Mira Nair’s restrained direction lets the material speak for itself. - James S.

#35: No Country For Old Men (2007, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen)

Redefines the notion of a "taut" thriller. Javier Bardem trades in his normal magnetism to portray death with a bowl cut. - James S.

#36: Oldboy (2003, Chan-wook Park)

Forget the hammer scene, the “dental” scene, and the octopus scene. The ending of Oldboy made me want to curl up into a fetal position and sob. - James S.

#37: Ong-Bak (2003, Prachya Pinkaew)

Our introduction to the limb-shattering, wall-bouncing, elbow-crashing, martial arts madness that is Tony Jaa. Practically a real life Spider-Man, Jaa is first in line to pick up the torch from an aging Jackie Chan, and one needs look no further than Ong-Bak to understand why. Horse replaces bird, indeed. - Jeff S.

#38: Ratatouille (2007, Brad Bird)

Ratatouille is a thesis on art and egalitarianism disguised as a kid's movie. The scene where Anton Ego is transported back to his childhood is priceless. - James S.

#39: The Royal Tenenbaums (2001, Wes Anderson)

Wes Anderson's style solidified. Masterfully composed shots (some of the director's best) and a staggering attention to detail make this family of eccentrics worth visiting again and again. - Jeff S.

#40: Shattered Glass (2003, Billy Ray)

Watching this compulsive liar's world slowly come crashing down is deliciously entertaining, and one of the millennium's most absorbing film experiences. Peter Sarsgaard's performance knocked me on my ass. - Jeff S.

#41: Sin City (2005, Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller)

Pioneering the recent trend of "strict" comic book adaptation (where nearly every panel and line of dialogue is faithfully recreated), Sin City is a groundbreaking achievement, as well as relentlessly entertaining. Cemented my man-crush on Clive Owen. - Jeff S.

#42: Small Time Crooks (2000, Woody Allen)

The most purely hilarious Woody Allen film of recent memory. Woody takes a classic heist plot and turns it upside down, when his wife's bakery front earns them millions. Slapstick, one-liners, and Woody's anti-bourgeois streak take over from there. - James S.

#43: Sparrow (2008, Johnnie To)

A tale of four Hong Kong pickpockets and the woman who bewilders them told via the French New Wave. Every shot immaculately composed, Sparrow is a cinematic breath of fresh, crisp air. - James S.

#44: Spider-Man 2 (2004, Sam Raimi)

With Spider-Man's origin story out of the way, Sam Raimi delves deep into the man behind the mask, absolutely nailing the character of Peter Parker. That combined with a better villain, better action, and better drama makes Spider-Man 2 the best superhero flick to come out since the Superman movies (to which Raimi's Spidey owes a great deal, it should be said, but this is openly acknowledged and worn on the films' sleeves). - Jeff S.

#45: Spirited Away (2001, Hayao Miyazaki)

Miyazaki's imagination knows no bounds in this film that could be viewed as a child's worst nightmare. - Jeff S.

#46: Star Wars - Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith (2005, George Lucas)

Watching this for the first time was like a crippling punch to the stomach, but I wouldn't have had it any other way - Revenge Of The Sith is every bit as dark as everyone hoped it would be. With the previous two installments basically acting as an extended setup to the events in this film, the stakes were definitely high and fortunately for us, Lucas knocked it out of the park. Pulling no punches, this is the chapter where shit truly hits the fan in a galaxy far, far away, and some of the sextet's most powerful moments are delivered in the process (as well as the best lightsaber dual, by far). You'll want to pop in Episode IV: A New Hope immediately after watching just to pull yourself out of the funk it puts you in (and to appreciate the seamless transition between the two trilogies). - Jeff S.

#47: Tetro (2009, Francis Ford Coppola)

Directing his first original script since 1974’s The Conversation, Francis Coppola travels to Buenos Aires to give us a stark black and white masterpiece on family, art, and of course, rivalry. The more I think about Tetro, the more disturbed I feel. I can’t wait to revisit it on DVD. - James S.

#48: Two Lovers (2008, James Gray)

James Gray updates Dostoyevsky's short story White Nights to Brighton Beach and searches for "authentic emotionality." Simple and devastating. One of the few modern movies that doesn't feel the need to wink at or condescend to its characters. A true gem. - James S.

#49: Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008, Woody Allen)

Don't call it a comeback, because Woody never left. Deftly mixing humor and pathos, Vicky Cristina Barcelona offers great insight into passion vs. pragmatism. That is until Penelope Cruz shows up about halfway into the film and lights the screen on fire. - James S.

#50: War Of The Worlds (2005, Steven Spielberg)

Edge-of-your-seat entertainment at its finest, War Of The Worlds is the result of when an actual artist helms an alien invasion picture, as opposed to hacks of the Roland Emmerich variety. Spielberg creates an unnerving sense of dread in nearly every frame of this top-notch blockbuster - the fact that he made both it AND Munich in the same year is nothing short of astounding. - Jeff S.

J-Zone On: The Holidays

2009-12-06T20:46:00.003-05:00

"The 'triflin trifecta' of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years never fails to provide you with proof of who really shouldn’t have your phone number. First off, anybody that takes one specific day to acknowledge or do something is a little queer in my book. There’s 365 days in a year, and if you’re only thankful, giving or adhering to a 'resolution' on one of the days, you need help. It’s kind of like being a spread eagle homewrecking ho all week, then going to church on Sunday. I don’t celebrate any of the above because I’m evil most of the time, but when I want to give thanks, give a gift or set a goal, I’m not looking at the calendar. That said, I hate holidays."

(To read this blog post in its entirety, click here.)

Top Five: Infinitely Rewatchable Films

2009-11-17T02:04:00.014-05:00

"Infinitely rewatchable" movies need not be your personal, all-time favorites (although many of mine just happen to be). They're the sort of films that, for whatever reason, keep you coming back for more, regardless of how whether you saw them a year, month, week, or day ago - the point is that you're always in the mood for a screening. It doesn't matter how many times you've seen the movie, either, even if it's to the point where individual scenes and details, no matter how minute, are burned into your subconscious. As a matter of fact, there's something comforting and reassuring about this familiarity, similar to ordering a proven winner when eating at a restaurant (Steak 'n Shake's Frisco Melt, Perkins' Tremendous Twelve, or Taco Bell's #6, for example). Many four-star films lack this elusive quality, making it extra special when it is happened upon, so I wanted to pay tribute by listing my own personal top five. As usual, be sure to let me know which ensnaring movies you simply can't get enough of, and why.

Honorable Mentions (and boy, there are a lot of 'em - let's try and keep this under ten)

Rushmore
The Usual Suspects
Match Point
Clueless
Mo' Better Blues
Gangs Of New York
Catch Me If You Can
5. High Fidelity (2000, Stephen Frears)

A must-watch for any compulsive list-maker (you can understand why I'm a fan, just look at this blog) or collector, High Fidelity also perfectly captures the subculture of music snobbery/elitism, accurately summed up by Alex Desert's character as "unappreciated scholars who shit onto people who know lesser than them." What also makes the film stand out is its skilled interplay of both comedy and drama, something I find most movies utterly fail at when attempting. The gears here never shift too abruptly (where it feels like you're watching an entirely different movie all of a sudden), and this is bolstered by all the onscreen action being firmly rooted in reality. It's an honest film at it's core, and it shows - one with a damn good soundtrack to boot (which ironically bugs music snobs who resent those who only became acquainted with bands such as Love or 13th Floor Elevators because of the film).

4. Chungking Express (1994, Wong Kar-Wai)

I apologize for my overindulgence in the above slew of screenshots - I simply was not able to limit myself to just three (perhaps a "Random Screenshot From Chungking Express" blog segment is in order). However, it's obvious why this wouldn't be too bad an idea - the images here speak for themselves. This little, improvisational gem of a film (which consists of two separate, yet slightly intertwining stories) was knocked out during the couple months of downtime director Wong Kar-Wai had amidst production of his wuxia epic Ashes Of Time (not unlike how Luc Besson's digression when making The Fifth Element led to the much smaller and superior Leon). It's ironic that Chungking Express is now hailed as one of, if not the, director's finest works. I wouldn't dispute this for a second, as Kar-Wai's now-famous cinematic style is brilliantly on display here, and in rare form. Cinematographer Christopher Doyle's dizzyingly beautiful, handheld camerawork provides a raw and intimate glimpse into the occasional down-and-dirty streets of Hong Kong, only stopping for Kar-Wai to treat audiences with brief, yet exquisitely framed compositions. I could watch this film any time, any day, and could easily harp on about it for a lot longer than you probably care to read, so do yourself a favor and just check it out on your own. You won't be able to take your eyes off it.

3. Princess Mononoke (1997, Hayao Miyazaki)

There aren't too many filmmakers with Hayao Miyazaki's track record. One of the most consistent and quality directors you're ever likely to come across, Miyazaki continues to embrace and practice the slowly dying art of hand-drawn animation, and his work easily proves that we shouldn't be so quick to retire the craft just yet. Most of his filmography currently rests on my DVD shelf, and it all began with 1997's Princess Mononoke. A fitting introduction to the director, it features gorgeous artwork/animation (with colors so vibrant they practically blast off the screen), stunning action sequences, a classic Joe Hisaishi score, and a mature story where "good" and "evil" aren't so clearly defined (which is another admirable staple of Miyazaki's work - even in his films geared more towards children, he always treats the audience as if they're intelligent, refusing to dumb down any of the elements). Probably still my favorite of his movies, Princess Mononoke not only stands out as his most "adult" work to date (beware of bloodbaths and decapitations), but also as the one with the best English language dub. Sadly, most of them range from average to terrible, which is why this rare preference of English over Japanese perhaps strengthens Princess Mononoke's overall rewatchability.

2. Swingers (1996, Doug Liman)

Quentin Tarantino once referred to Dazed And Confused and Rio Bravo as "the greatest 'hangout' movies of all time", meaning, that the characters in the film are like your friends and watching them is like seeing/hanging out with everybody again (I believe he said that was his aim when making 1997's Jackie Brown, as well). Haven't seen those first two, but I must say that I completely understand what he's talking about, and where Jackie Brown fails in that respect, Swingers succeeds with flying colors. Easily my favorite comedy of all time (and probably in my list of top ten films overall), it's one of the most laid back and relaxing movies around, due in no small part to the settings in which the characters interact. 90% of the flick is the fellas lounging/shooting the breeze in apartments, diners, and bars, and the refreshingly realistic dialogue and performances really do make you feel like you're just chlling with your buds (buds that you've known 10 years, if you've seen the film as many times as I have). Swingers' magnetism is best summed up by Trent's phone message to his buddy Mike, who he "hasn't seen for two days". Agreed - with a crew this much fun, going two days without is entirely too long. No wonder I keep coming back for more.

1. Goodfellas (1990, Martin Scorsese)

Goodfellas nabbing the number one spot should come as no shock to anyone who knows me. But what can be said about this masterpiece that hasn't been said already? Someone once stated that "watching that movie over and over again is like visiting family annually for Thanksgiving". I couldn't agree more - even if it has been a while since watching, I feel like I know each and every member of the large cast inside and out, whether it's protagonist Henry Hill, the minor character of Pete The Killer (Sally Balls' brother - he took care of that thing for me), or Vinnie, who puts too many onions in the tomato sauce ("Three onions?!"). It's also a testament to Goodfellas' power that you simply can't help but watch when catching it on TV, even though it's basically neutered to the point of absurdity (camera awkwardly pushes in to prevent us from seeing Ray Liotta grab Debi Mazar's ass). Not to mention having to endure Joe Pesci's awful stand-in voice, which reads approximately 75% of his dialogue (every other word is an expletive, for those who haven't seen it). Despite all this, I still put up with it (or just pop in the DVD to watch the remainder), for every scene in this work of art is classic, and watching Goodfellas in its entirety is basically the equivalent of attending film school for two and a half hours - one of the finest in the world (but without costly tuition and snobby classmates).

- Jeff S.

J-Zone On: Strip Clubs

2009-10-26T21:02:00.010-04:00

For those not familiar with J-Zone, let me briefly bring you up to speed: A woefully underrated hip hop artist/producer out of Jamaica Queens, New York, J-Zone first captured my attention when I was in high school, providing much of my personal soundtrack for those days. His insane production skills (especially when it comes to sampling - some of the most innovative and entertaining I've ever heard) have kept me a dedicated fan to this day, but it's not just that. Apparent from his clownish and nonchalant style, J-Zone never takes himself too seriously on the mic or in the recording "studio" (his grandmother's basement), which greatly bolsters his already-strong appeal. This applies to the recent blog he has been keeping up, as well, which acts as his personal hub for music/social commentary. Never afraid to speak his mind (one of his most admirable traits), J-Zone offers up his frequently unpopular opinions on everything from Facebook to Kanye West and I must say that it's downright hysterical. Call him a crass, immature, misogynist (claims I wouldn't refute - just listen to his albums), the dude's a fantastic comedic writer, which is why I'm introducing a new and possibly recurring section that highlights various nuggets from his aforementioned blog. Hopefully this will earn Zone some additional, much-needed supporters, as well as entertain and stir up some interesting discussion (as his opinions tend to do). With that said, I now present a snippet of J-Zone's thoughts on strip clubs:

"...I’m not gay, but I don’t see the point in giving a stripper my loot for some janky ass lapdance. Strip clubs are an economically dumb way of catching blue balls, and I never understood the appeal of going to one, ask Pac-Man Jones. I’ll jerk off free of charge, then throw my dollars at Trader Joe’s for some of those tuna steaks. I’ll only throw dollars at a stripper if I can get them back at the end of the night."

(To read this blog post in its entirety, click here.)

Top Five: Traumatizing Cinematic Childhood Moments

2009-10-15T13:59:00.005-04:00

I've actually had this list percolating for a little while now, and with Halloween just around the corner, I figured it would be an appropriate time to get it out of my system. I should preface this by saying that when it came to horror movies growing up, I was a little bit of a masochist. Not exactly the bravest kid on the block, I knew going in that those sort of films would absolutely terrify me, randomly haunting and penetrating my thoughts months and even years to come. Yet whenever I stumbled across one on television (the free HBO and Cinemax my parents were somehow receiving allowed easy access to uncut, R-rated material), I couldn't help but timidly sneak sporadic peeks at the blood-soaked carnage. Not sure exactly why, in retrospect - maybe it was the secret thrill of viewing something my parents assuredly would've objected to, or maybe it was my overall lack of exposure to horror growing up and the emotional experience was something new and exciting to me. Whatever the case, the entries on the following list are the moments that stuck out the most - the ones I remember tormenting me long after I'd been exposed to them. Do enjoy, try not to laugh at me too much (remember, I was a wimpy little kid at the time), and as always, leave your own personal choices in the comments section. Now, without further ado, I present my disturbing trip down memory lane...Happy Halloween!

5. Ghost In The Hall - Are You Afraid Of The Dark (The Tale Of The Bookish Babysitter)

Ok, techically this doesn't count as a "cinematic" freakout moment (didn't even require uncut HBO or Cinemax - told you I was a wuss), but again - this is what stuck out in my head, so it made the list (I did put it at number five...). Don't bother watching the whole clip - it's the ghost that appears from 3:18 to 3:36 that made me scared to walk the hallways of my house alone at night. After seeing this episode, I couldn't go upstairs to bed without hurrying or keeping my head down low in an attempt to block the image of it coming out of the darkness to get me. One might even say it made me...AFRAID Of The Dark. Long live SNICK!

(P.S. The comments section of this clip's youtube page was most entertaining. Can't promise you'll see the same ones I did, but the jist of it is that pretty much everyone wants to bang the babysitter.)

4. Out Of The Darkness - Halloween 2

I didn't even know the outcome of this scene until the writing of this entry, when I had to watch/gather the video content. Way back when I originally caught it, I couldn't make it until the end - Myers' mask slowly creeping out of the darkness (approximately 0:54 - an image that's burned into my memory) was too much for me to take. Deciding that was all I needed to see, I cowardly turned to another channel and pretty much assumed the nurse was gonna get it. Well, whaddya know - I was right!

3. I'm Just Fuckin' With Ya - Pet Cemetary 2

I think my parents were having some sort of dinner party/get-together when I first saw this. I remember slipping away, closing the doors to our television room, and being unable to avert my terrified eyes. Little did my mother and father know that while they were entertaining their guests, I was one room over, quietly being scared out of my mind. Now regarding the scene - while I could take some solace in the fact that it was just a bully getting his comeuppance, having your face ground off by a motorcycle-wielding psychopath was just too disturbing for me to enjoy. Don't know why I stuck around to catch another part involving mutilated kittens - what the fuck was wrong with me...?

2. Robot Transformation - Superman 3

I easily had the most visceral reaction to this scene, despite it not even really qualifying as traditional "horror". Here's how it went: My older brothers and I frequently watched the Superman films growing up, the weak third installment being no exception. I handled the whole movie up to this point just fine, but was thoroughly freaked out when the henchwoman got sucked into the machine and turned into a robot. So whenever the part approached on future viewings, I tried to play it cool and "casually" walk out of the room, as if I were going to the bathroom or maybe the kitchen to fetch more popcorn and soda. This plan proved futile, however, as somehow my oldest brother had learned of my fear (which I thought I had hidden well) and swiftly restrained me before I could make my escape. Instantly and instinctively responding, I thrashed, screamed, and pleaded with him to release me so that I wouldn't have to witness the aforementioned transformation. Not only did my brother refuse my request - he also physically held my eyelids open, forcing me to digest the freakish proceedings in complete terror. Aren't siblings great?

1. And All Through The House - Tales From The Crypt

Man, you gotta love youtube. I had no idea that this episode (which I had only seen once when I was younger, but never forgot) was out of Tales From The Crypt, but all it took was a vague description to my friends and then poof - within minutes we had exactly what I had seen some ten years earlier. Although the whole episode is online, I just posted the ending (one of the parts I most vividly remember - "I let him in!"). I'm trying to pinpoint exactly what disturbed me about the whole thing - I think it was the overall contrast of such bloody, horrific acts with the good-spirited Christmas holiday that freaked me out the most (opens with Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song", the little girl's blind innocence and holiday excitement throughout, and so on). I regretted stumbling across that damn show for years afterwards, constantly fighting off my memories of it that were triggered each year around December. Damn that Crypt Keeper...

- Jeff S.

Summer 2009 Movie Season Wrapup

2009-09-17T01:11:00.017-04:00

Well, another summer movie season has come and gone. Had its fair share of ups and downs, as do most, but I will say that I ended up seeing far more films than I initially thought I would. This resulted in both pleasant surprises and regrettable outings, and the following is a little recap/award show to sum up my experiences at the cinema this summer. Below is the list of movies that I saw (just new theater releases, not stuff on DVD), so with the exception of two obvious categories, all the nominees/winners were pulled from it. Just wanted to get that out of the way so no one prematurely jumps down my throat about not mentioning The Hangover or something:

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NOMINEES:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Star Trek
Terminator Salvation
Drag Me To Hell
Whatever Works
Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince
Funny People
District 9
Ponyo
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AWARDS/WINNERS:

Biggest Surprise: Star Trek
Runner Up: Drag Me To Hell

I initially boycotted this movie at the start of the summer, steadfastly opposed to the notion that Star Trek suddenly won't be undeniably nerdy because the creator of Lost is at the helm, putting college-age Abercrombie models in charge of The Enterprise. And while all the “beam-this” and “Vulcan-that” dialogue did make me feel exceptionally geeky while watching (which is saying something, coming from the guy who can name every cone/bobble-headed freak on the Jedi Council), Abrams’ Star Trek corrected probably my biggest beef with the series as a whole, one I’ve had ever since I was a little kid: the lack of interesting action. Not that I’ve ever been a Star Trek aficionado, but I watched enough growing up to be consistently annoyed by how this group of uniformly-clad dorks seemed to do little more than float around in that ugly-ass spaceship and talk about phasing – nothing fucking happened. Here, we at least got some bitchin’ action scenes, even if they did take place in nerd-heaven. And that’s why I’d recommend Star Trek to the casual moviegoer – forget that Trekkies are getting more out of it than you, just enjoy it as a popcorn sci-fi flick that’s a lot more fun than it looks.

Trust me, it's better than the haircut would lead you to believe.
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Biggest Disappointment: Whatever Works
Runner Up: Ponyo
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I debated labeling X-Men Origins: Wolverine as the biggest disappointment of the summer, but that would have been somewhat inaccurate, as “disappointment” implies that I had expected the flick to be halfway decent in the first place (to me, the whole project smelled funny from its inception). That being the case, I sadly must give this award to Whatever Works - the anticipated film collaboration between Woody Allen and Larry David. It’s not that the movie was bad, it’s just that considering what comedic geniuses these two legends are, I expected their partnership to be a lot more gut-busting. However, that being said, Woody Allen bringing his “C” game is still funnier than 90% of comedies being released today (I’d take this over something like Year One any day of the week). I just know these men are capable of better, so therefore, I hold them to higher standards. My advice to Larry is that, as far as acting goes, he should stick to unscripted comedy. This is precisely why Curb Your Enthusiasm works so beautifully – it’s the sort of format where his distinct charm and personality shine the absolute brightest. It doesn’t come through as well when delivering someone else’s dialogue, even if it is a good performance. Honorable mention for this category goes to Hayao Miyazaki’s Ponyo, which seemed a bit too childish for me to fully enjoy and get into. I would say this isn’t the film’s fault, as I’m clearly not its target audience (so what do I expect), but I also wasn’t for his children-aimed My Neighbor Totoro and Kiki’s Delivery Service, and those movies definitely won me over (the latter being on my DVD shelf right now). To Ponyo’s credit, though, I think my experience was hampered by the English voice dub that I saw it in (featuring one of those oh-so-adorable Jonas brothers). The animation and artwork were as stunning as always, meeting the high standards set by Studio Ghibli’s previous entries. Again, like with Woody Allen and Whatever Works, I just expect more from certain filmmakers. I know Miyazaki is quite capable of blowing my mind, so when he delivers a three star movie instead of a four star classic, I can’t help but be a little let down.
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Best Theater "Experience": Drag Me To Hell
Runner Up: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
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Wow. What was shaping up to be one of the summer’s worst screenings pleasantly turned out to be the best of the season. I mean, really – there were so many things working against it: The movie didn’t look particularly interesting (my friends and I primarily went because of its good buzz), some recently consumed chili rellenos were still tormenting my scorched innards, we were completely drenched from one of the worst thunderstorms of the year, and to top it all off, a huge group of loud, yammering guys spilled into the theater just as the flick was starting – definitely one of those “oh, great – here we go” moments. What followed, however, I will remember fondly for quite some time. Since the TV spots I had previously seen presented the film as straight horror, you can imagine my surprise when it turned out to be so over-the-top comedic that it bordered on pure slapstick (as was the intention – Raimi really is a mad genius). It swiftly became the kind of fun, exploitation film experience enhanced by the presence of loudmouths, unable to keep from cracking jokes and yelling shit at the screen (watching movies like this, Coffy, and Obsessed by yourself at home almost defeats the purpose of why they were made in the first place). It was a rollercoaster ride of puss, drool, blood, and possessed/cursing goats that the whole room was taking together and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. X-Men Origins: Wolverine gets a shoutout here, as well – not because the film was any good, but because when my friends and I realized just how bad it was turning out (roughly 5 minutes in), we felt comfortable laughing, scoffing, and making snide remarks every time something stupid happened (every 45 seconds).
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Best Performance: Sharlto Copley (District 9)
Runner Up: Jason Schwartzman (Funny People)
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A complete unknown before District 9, Sharlto Copley knocked his acting debut (with the exception of the 2005 short Alive In Joburg that District 9 was adapted from) out of the park. His no-name status bolstered the authentic feel the movie strove for with its documentary-style atmosphere, but it wasn’t just that. His role of the protagonist was particularly complex, as Wikus Van De Merwe and his actions were often unpredictable and anything but one-dimensional. One moment he’s on the side of the humans, showing little concern or compassion for the prawns and their circumstances, and the next, he’s teaming with the aliens as he struggles for survival. It doesn’t end there, either – I could go on, but I don’t want to reveal TOO many spoilers (people should really see District 9 for themselves). He’s not always a likable character either, as many of his actions throughout the film are despicable, even after the film throws out various red herrings that he has redeemed himself in some way. Copley was able to convey such shameful behavior in a believable manner while still keeping the audience emotionally invested in his struggle. It was done with skill, subtlety, and nuance, best exemplified by his extensive ad-libbing in the first portion of the film (all of the “eviction” scenes and possibly more). Hats off to him, as this lead performance significantly contributed to District 9 being as impressive and memorable as it was.
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Worst Performance: Common (Terminator Salvation)
Runner Up: Christian Bale (Terminator Salvation)
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Yikes. Amidst this movie’s slew of unimpressive performances, Common’s “atrocious” acting (to quote my brother, upon asking him what he thought of the flick) leapt off the screen more than any of the others. Not quite sure what happened here, as he has shown decent enough chops in the past (his performance in Smokin’ Aces, for example). Whatever the reason (would it be unfair to place all the blame on McG, the film’s director?), when Common exclaimed, “It’s beautiful…!” upon successfully transmitting some sort of virus to an air cruiser, my buddy and I broke out in hysterics - it really was a laughably bad moment. I’m sure the lousy script didn’t help, but still. Maybe Common should think about taking his acting career a little slower and focus more on his music that got him into the spotlight in the first place (just don’t give us another Universal Mind Control). Honorable mention for Christian Bale here, who actually wasn’t awful here - just painfully bland/generic. I’m only dropping his name because of the infamous tantrum he threw on the set, cursing and berating the director of photography for walking into his line of sight. I mean, if Bale’s focus and concentration while acting was so intense (to the point where he makes a complete scene if it’s interrupted), one would think his end performance would have had a lot more layers to it. It’s unfortunate that this poor guy gets screamed at and there’s nothing really to show for it at the end of the day – just a flat, uninteresting portrayal of John Connor (not that a good performance would have justified such juvenile behavior – I’m just sayin’…).
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Upset I Skipped: Up
Runner Up: Bruno
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Odds are that dropping for Up would’ve been money well spent, given Pixar’s track record. The glowing reviews combined with my brother’s personal thumbs-up (we see eye-to-eye a lot of the time when it comes to film) only fueled my enthusiasm, but I guess it just never came…up (yuk yuk yuk). By the time my buddies and I did get around to checking the showtimes, there was only a matinee none of us could make, so we saw Funny People instead (meh). Not to worry, though – there’s always Netflix, and besides, I’m not completely caught up on my other Pixar movies yet. For instance, I still haven’t seen Monsters Inc., Toy Story 2, or Wall-E (not gonna fuck with Cars, I don’t care). Bruno could’ve been a good time, as well, but a lot of the appeal of seeing that came from the experience of being in a crowded theater, witnessing everyone react to the Sacha Baron Cohen’s over-the-top antics (I still have fond memories of my 2006 Borat screening). After that window passed, though, I kind of lost all motivation to see it. Not a big deal or anything – it just sucks to know that I did drop cash on flicks that probably weren’t as good as these two.
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Glad I Skipped: Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
Runner Up: Too many to name (Land Of The Lost, G.I. Joe, Year One – this summer was pretty bootsy, to be honest)
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It’s funny: for all the unexpected movies I saw this summer, the flick with one of the highest chances of me attending slipped through the cracks. After all, I get dragged to a lot of films I don’t particularly care about each year, and this was one of the bigger ones that seemingly everyone was going to check out, so I didn’t discount myself (although I sure as shit wasn’t going to spearhead the proceedings). When it ended up not happening, however, I found myself not caring and even feeling downright relieved after checking out some reviews. Critic after critic said there’s a good chance that Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen will go down as the most financially successful bad movie of all time. I also picked up various negative tidbits along the way regarding elements of the film, mostly related to poorly executed comic relief (something I can't stand more than anything else): Shia LaBeouf’s mom tripping out on weed, John Turturro in a thong, and even more racially-insensitive stereotypes delivered via transformer. As if Jazz from the first movie wasn’t enough (guess there has to be a token black character when it comes to robots, too) – he breakdanced, spoke in ebonics, and was even the only good guy killed off, a la most slasher flicks (hell, I’m surprised his vehicle disguise didn’t include hydraulics). I suppose it could’ve been worse, though - the filmmakers could’ve stuck to their original plan of changing his name to Rims and show him munching on a bucket of robot chicken. Now, the final plus of skipping this flick concerns Megan Fox (currently seen in Jennifer’s Body, aka, Megan Fox Is Hot: The Movie). Without getting into it, this internationally overrated starlet is in serious need of an ego check, and could always stand to have one less guy jerking off to her.
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Worst Film: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Runner Up: Terminator Salvation
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Despite all reservations, my fanboy status and overall curiosity ultimately served as the motivation that got me to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine. However, I still walked into the film expecting garbage and that’s exactly what I wound up getting (seems silly, but considering the subject matter, this was the sort of garbage I had to see with my own two eyes). So depressing is the fact that Wolverine’s backstory (one of the best plotlines in the X-Men comic books that could've made an excellent flick) got completely and utterly butchered, killing the chance of ever seeing that engrossing origin done properly on the silver screen – they had their shot and they motherfucking blew it. Where do I begin? Lackluster action from start to finish, tying in pointless details to the previous X-Men flicks while blatantly ignoring plot holes you could fit Ego through (oh, that's where he got his jacket with the stripes…but why doesn’t Sabretooth recognize Wolverine again…?), terrible portrayals of classic characters such as Deadpool and Gambit (my and most others’ favorite mutant), and more. I mean, taking away the “Merc With A Mouth”’s ability to speak? Master stroke there, writers. I could go on, but writing this blog is supposed to be enjoyable, and I’m finding myself getting pissed all over again. And although I had a good time making fun of it throughout with my friends, by the time it was over, I was wishing I had been the one shot with an adamantium bullet. At least then I would have forgotten that X-Men Origins: Wolverine now marks the second shitty X-Men movie we’ve gotten in a row. Are we gonna try for three???
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Best Film: District 9
Runner Up: Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince
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What a treat this film was. Despite its kickass marketing campaign, District 9 came out of nowhere for me, as I only started seeing its intriguing TV spots shortly before it was released (didn’t even view the full trailer until after my screening). I knew very little about it, went in hopeful, and bam – it ended up being the best flick of the summer. Not only did rookie filmmaker Neill Blomkamp frequently deliver jaw-dropping action sequences, but his story’s intelligent allegory for South African apartheid elevated the film to a far more substantial level. Confidently directed while avoiding the usual cinematic clichés (for the most part), District 9’s unique take on the classic “alien invasion” plot was one of the most original works I’ve seen in a while, and I doubt it will be forgotten anytime soon. Honorable mention here goes to Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince – both dark and emotional with a hefty dose of teenage drama to balance things out, the latest installment of the beloved, six-film-strong franchise is arguably the best of the lot (rivaled only by Goblet Of Fire). Here’s hoping that David Yates and his band of filmmakers can keep this momentum going for their even darker follow-up, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows (aka Harry Potter And The Shit Hits The Fan).

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That about wraps it up, folks – be sure to drop your thoughts and own personal choices for the aforementioned awards in the comment section below. See ya next summer!

- Jeff S.

Top Five: 90s Turds I Actually Saw In The Theater

2009-09-01T02:46:00.015-04:00

Sadly, for every 90s classic I saw in the movie theater growing up (Aladdin, Jurassic Park, for example), there was usually a clunker not too far behind it. What's depressing is when I think about how much of my parents' hard-earned money (or my personal allowance...which basically was still my parents' money) was wasted on me seeing such junk on the silver screen. Now, before anyone says anything, I'm not ragging on the picks below simply because they're "kid's films" and I've moved on. I'm able to tell the difference between solid, well-made entertainment aimed at children (Toy Story, My Neighbor Totoro, The Lion King, for example) and straight garbage that would be insulting to anyone's intelligence, regardless of their age. To put it simply: these flicks just aren't very good.

5. Mortal Kombat (1995)

Of all the entries in this post, Mortal Kombat is the only one that I recall flat-out loving the second it ended. I saw it with my best friend at the time (who I always played Mortal Kombat with) and we both geeked the hell out. Looking back, I think it was just the thrill of seeing the video game we cherished so much come to life – nothing more. Little moments like Scorpion saying “Get over here” and kombatants pulling off signature movies (like when Liu Kang finally busts out a pseudo-fireball at the very end) were enough to get us video game junkies on a high we had never known. My fond memories of the flick remained until many years later, when I happened to catch it on cable one random weekend. Recalling my past enthusiasm, as well as the badass theater experience, I gave it a shot with little idea of the rude awakening that was to come. Not that I expected a quality film or anything (after all, it was based off a video game that I dug when I was just a stupid kid) – I just didn’t expect it to be a running candidate for worst movie of the decade. I mean, had my perception of things changed that greatly? At one point in my life, was Johnny Cage calling Goro an asshole the coolest thing I had ever witnessed (he had just broken Cage’s sunglasses, for those who don’t remember/didn’t see it)? Apparently so. Now the question is: do I long for those days when I could be so easily amused, or am I thankful to have reached an age/maturity where I can recognize trash when it’s staring me in the face? Maybe a lil bit of both…

4. Batman Forever (1995)

Those most shameful thing about this 90s screening was that, although I wasn’t crazy about the movie I had just seen, I didn’t realize just how terrible Batman Forever was until much later than I probably should have. No excuse for me, because even though I was just 10 years old, I had already been exposed to Batman done right for some time (The Animated Series had been out since 1992, not to mention The Mask of the Phantasm in 1993). I think my older brother (who I saw it with) and I were just jazzed to see more live-action Batman period, regardless of its quality, as we were such superfans of Batman Returns growing up (a film that has not aged gracefully, by the way). Most everyone knows the score here – Joel Schumacher planted countless franchise-destroying seeds throughout his first Batman flick (completely neon sets, baffling crotch shots, one-liners, sidekicks, and so on) that sprouted out of control with his 1997 follow-up, Batman and Robin (which VHS I rented out of sheer, morbid curiosity, but thankfully avoided in the theater). Sure, 2008’s The Dark Knight may be the best live-action Batman film to date, but when its only competition is schlock like this, is that really saying a whole lot? Nevertheless, despite its questionable quality, Batman Forever will always hold a strong place in my cinematic childhood memories, for it expanded far beyond the film itself – I remember purchasing a couple small figures when on vacation, various sets of pogs (oh, shit!), and more. Hell, my family still has those 4 collectible glasses you could get from McDonalds when the movie came out (don’t act like you don’t have that Two-Face glass in the back of your cabinet somewhere). Then there was the Method Man joint on the soundtrack that I was slightly obsessed with - especially the music video below. Whew, memories…

Kiss this, Seal - the REAL highlight of that soundtrack.
3. Blank Check (1994)

Considering this was the one and only time I saw Blank Check, the amount of details I remember are frightening. I was just enjoying the ride at the time, not pausing to think about how just one million dollars isn’t nearly enough to purchase and construct the plethora of shit this brat acquires (a full-blown amusement park, for example). Maybe a couple sections of a solitary water slide, but that’s probably about it. However, I was enough of a Home Alone fan to recognize the blatant ripoff that was the final act – kid battles the bad guys in his own personal kingdom, complete with extravagant traps, and so on. However, they did try to give the protagonist here a love interest (unlike Kevin McCallister), but casting 33 year old Karen Duffy made the proceedings a touch creepy. With that age difference, they were most likely going for an immature, crush-on-your-hot-babysitter sort of thing…but still. Weird.

Little snot probably bragged his ass off at recess the next day.
2. The Santa Clause (1994)

To my credit, I only ended up seeing this in the theater because Dumb and Dumber was sold out when I finally made it to the front of the ticket counter. Fresh off my love affair with The Mask (released earlier that year), I was beyond hyped to see the new Jim Carrey movie, but sadly got stuck watching a howlingly unfunny comic for the next 90 minutes instead. Never a fan of Home Improvement, this flick cemented my contempt for the star of future masterpieces The Shaggy Dog and Jungle 2 Jungle (which, because of the slightly misleading poster, I mistook for the sequel to the nonexistent Jungle Jungle One). One only needs to say “elves with attitude” to remind me of just how embarrassing it was to sit in a darkened room, watching these holiday shenanigans unfold via full projection. Truly one of those cringe-worthy theater moments where you close your eyes and wish you could just sink into your chair, emerging only when the horror subsides (in this case, the rolling of the end credits). Mind you, this was all when I just 9 years old – far from the critical film snob currently writing this blog. Nowadays, I gotta be careful not to accidentally catch that part on TV – just might drop into a coma.

1. Snow Day (2000)

Note: Technically, this doesn't count as a 90s flick (as it was released February of 2000), but fuck it - this was the list I compiled and we’re letting one slide. Close enough.

Yep. It's that annoying.
Talk about batting zero – with Harriet the Spy and Good Burger coming out just a few years before, Nickelodeon Movies seemed hell-bent on producing the worst possible work they could. Don’t worry about the circumstances which led to actual money being spent on seeing this abomination on the big screen – it happened, I’m embarrassed (probably moreso than by any of the other entries in this article), time to move on. For those of you who haven’t seen it, yes, it’s as terrible as the above advertising would lead you to believe (gunning for that number one spot on my tentative “Top Five Worst Movie Posters” list. Not kidding). However, it was interesting to look back and realize that the chubby kid providing the lion’s share of fart jokes ended up playing the slender lead in the 2008 sleeper-hit The Wackness. Check it out for a slight mindfreak (and a decent little movie to boot - every frame drips with 90s nostalgia...kinda like this article).

- Jeff S.

Trailer Spotlight #4: Sparrow

2009-06-27T00:02:00.004-04:00

I get all misty whenever I watch this trailer - I think it's the music that does it (starting at 1:32, specifically, but the whole soundtrack is great). The amalgam of genres that makes up Sparrow is every bit as good as this trailer makes it look. I could've easily watched it again the second it ended.

Take a look for yourself!

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T00:32:00.003-04:00

August 29th, 1958 - June 25th, 2009

Further proof that all truly original artists end up dying young. Really starting to believe that.

Bottoms Up News #9

2009-06-23T22:44:00.016-04:00

I'll write a more proper update later - just wanted to post some screenshots from the first six minutes of the flick. Enjoy!

Top Five: Movies Everyone Has Seen But Me

2009-05-31T22:14:00.016-04:00

Born in 1985 and doing most of my "growing up" during that magical decade of the 90s, I saw the majority of that generation's "must-see" flicks - the ones so undeniably big that they've transcended the movie theaters in which they originally debuted and become irremovable aspects of pop culture itself (Home Alone, The Lion King, Jurassic Park, and so on). However, a recent movie night at a friend's house swiftly reminded me of just how much there is out there that I haven't watched. For instance, my buddy was aghast when I told him I hadn't seen 1996's Fargo from start to finish, and it got me thinking about just how many films have slipped through the cracks. Not just movies from my own generation, mind you, but the all-time American "classics" you'd assume everyone and their mother has seen 100 times over, considering how much they're referenced in our society. And although I "get" most of these references from the bits and pieces I have seen, as well as my general knowledge of the stories, I must confess that never in my life have I actually sat down and watched them from beginning to end. The embarrassing list that follows is made even more shocking by the fact that I'm a filmmaker myself. I imagine most would consider this the ultimate cinematic blasphemy, and maybe they'd be right, but what can I say? So many movies, so little time...

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be stunned. And as always, hit me with your own shameful lists if they spring to mind.

Honorable Mention: Top Gun

Yeah, it was one of my roommate's favorite movies freshman year of college. Yeah, it has a decent roller coaster at King's Island. Yeah, it's one of the key films that cemented Tom Cruise's status as a bona fide movie star...I just can't force myself to care. Couldn't back when I was growing up, either, so that shit just never got watched. Whatever. I know enough about it to get by:

1. "I feel the need. The need...for SPEED!"
2. Features characters named Goose and Iceman.
3. Goose dies.
4. Key usage of the song, "Take My Breath Away"

Meh. I'm sure I'll live.

5: Big

Maybe skipping this is why 13 Going On 30 seemed so original and enchanting when I watched it my sophomore year of college (joking about the original/enchanting part, but unfortunately, me watching it on the IU movie channel is the sad truth). Don't see the point in checking out Big now, as I feel like I've already heard most of the jokes, anyway - "I get to be on top!"

Yuk, yuk, yuk...

4: The Goonies

I feel so left out having not seen this flick - all my peers wax on about their cherished childhood memories of it while I remain quiet in the corner, secretly hoping someone will bring up The Land Before Time. The main thing I know about it is that it features a handful of today's stars when they were mere tots (Sean Astin, chiefly) Maybe it's worth a look now, if only to see Short Round in another role (by the way, did you know he ended up being the assistant fight choreographer on the first X-Men movie?). The question, however, that I must ask the public: Is The Goonies actually good, or is it solely nostalgia that makes you remember it fondly...?

3: Back To The Future: Any of 'em

I shit you not. While I know plenty about these movies (I can even imitate Crispin Glover's "George McFly" voice fairly accurately), I have not actually seen any fucking one of them. Judging by this list so far, I'd say that it must be an 80s thing. Maybe if my babysitter growing up had brought over more than Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Spaceballs (watched approximately 2 million times each), I might've actually seen some other gems from that decade. Oh, well.

2: It's A Wonderful Life

No real excuse for having not seen this classic - it's on every fucking Christmas, for crying out loud (maybe it'll get netflixed this winter). I guess I just always opt to watch A Christmas Story for the 100th time, instead. Besides, to quote Batman from the Christmas episode of the animated series: "I could never get past the title."

P.S. Batman: TAS = Greatest show ever.

1: The Wizard Of Oz

Still there? For those of you still conscious, I'll continue. I really don't see the purpose of actually sitting down and watching The Wizard Of Oz from beginning to end at this point. I figure it'd just come off as redundant because as it stands, I pretty much know every single part of the movie - is popping in the DVD and having it all play and sound exactly as I know it will really necessary? Hell, I'm just willing to move on and accept the fact that I missed the boat. Once again, almost everything in the film is essentially general knowledge, so it's not like any pop culture references that come up will go over my head. It's like knowing Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father without actually having seen The Empire Strikes Back - one of those flicks that you've more or less "seen" without actually watching it (if that makes any sense). What's funny, though, is that I've asked a few different people what they think the one movie is that everybody in the world has seen. Like if, for whatever reason, aliens came down demanding an answer and the fate of the planet depended on its accuracy. What would the people's safest answer be? Almost everyone I talked to narrowed it down to The Wizard Of Oz...

...Fuck, so much for Earth. My bad, everybody.

- Jeff S.

Bottoms Up News #8

2009-05-25T18:19:00.002-04:00

Ups and downs regarding the movie shoot as of late. On the plus side, I was finally able to snag the shot with Jorma for the opening credits. The lighting was damn pretty, too, giving me the exact sort of thing I had in mind. We also lucked out with a relatively cool night (despite shooting in mid-May), so there was some good "breath" action going on. Making this flick look like it's set in fall/winter has been a bitch and a half, so that was one point for us. As for the actual shot, I can see Jorma's swaying and mock-performing on a saxophone either being slick as shit or just fucking corny - it could go either way, so I'm a little nervous. I guess I'll just have to cut everything together to find out, but if the overall sequence ends up being half as cool as it is in my head, I'll be a happy man.

Was supposed to knock out Laura's two scenes once again this past week, but she unexpectedly came down with a case food poisoning just before the shoot. A fucking bummer for sure, especially considering Smiley came from out of town to make the shit happen (I also could've used the extra sleep, but whatever). What can you do. We're gonna try again tomorrow morning, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed. But regardless of whether she intended it or not, Laura is at strike two, so I should really start thinking about a plan B if the shit falls through again.

Smiley and I tried to make use of the free time (deja vu from when we attempted Laura's scenes the first time), though, and managed to knock out a pretty big scene between the two of us. Although not being very complicated, it took far longer than I had anticipated, and left me with just a few scant hours of sleep before my usual Wednesday double at work (where my bosses are taking their insanity to flat-out retarded heights, but that's another story). What sucks, however, is that part of the scene is gonna have to be reshot (at least the audio of it, anyway) - some cell phone buzzing killed a lot of dialogue exchanges. It could be worse, though - as Smiley pointed out, since we're just recording lines with the camera via speakerphone, we could do that shit even if he's not in town.

Spent almost all of last night capturing footage to the iMac. This is gonna be a big one, and just might require the deletion of all my No Strength in Men files. Always hurts to just cavalierly trash something you spent months putting your blood, sweat, and tears into, but at the end of the day, you're left with little choice. Gotta move forward and say fuck it. That flick's done, in the past, and probably won't be fucked with again, anyway. Onward and upward...

I think I'm gonna do the opening credits in red. HOT.

- Jeff S.

Bottoms Up News #7

2009-05-04T21:29:00.003-04:00

Been hectic the past week - Laura had an emergency and wasn't able to shoot her scenes on Monday, but Smiley and I still had the whole afternoon free, so I hit up Carole for some camera assistance so the day wouldn't be a complete wash. Fortunately, she did us the solid and came through - Smiley and I were able to shoot one of our scenes, as well as snag another important shot. It wasn't as big a chunk as Laura's scenes would have been, but whatever, it was definitely better than nothing. My acting is shaky as shit, however - I think unexpectedly having to jump right back into it caught me off guard, so I'm gonna try extra hard to do well in my remaining scenes. Ugh, faking the cold by wearing winter clothes/jackets fucking sucks and I apologize in advance to all my actors. You're troopers to the core (although Jorma's gonna have it the easiest - his homeless character isn't supposed to have much on, despite the winter setting). Speaking of Jorma, I'm still waiting on his shot, which is killing me. If I could knock out anything right now, it'd be that. Fuck, I guess I just gotta be patient.

The weekend was fun, but completely draining. Friday night was the monthly Soul Session at the Jazz Kitchen (this month's theme being a Michael Jackson tribute) - Josh, Lori, and I went and it was almost too good a time. We drank, danced, and acted a fool until almost 2:00 AM, and I had to be up just hours later. Not very smart, considering how full my plate was on Saturday. After work, Josh, Zac, Smiley, and I did hours of paintball (a fun, but painful experience which I'm still sore from - methinks I should have stretched or something before going into battle) up in Anderson before I had to roll out to Bloomington for the 2009 Iris Film Festival (Fakebook Me got accepted). Unfortunately, there was zero time to shower, so my dirty/sweaty/bruised/tired ass was forced to throw on clean clothes and put the pedal to the metal so I wouldn't miss it. I arrived just before showtime, leaving myself with only five minutes to mentally prepare for an evening of pretentious, avant garde, low budget cinema (to be fair, not everything was bullshit - I did enjoy several of the entries). Although Fakebook Me didn't win any of the four awards, it was definitely well-received. Once the audience caught on and understood what I was getting at, it got laughter and genuine (not just polite) applause at the end. It's a scary experience having your work played for a whole room of strangers, but definitely informative, as well. It's comforting to know that I'm capable of producing something that's entertaining to more than just my family and close friends.

My ipod died on the drive back, so without music, I was forced to open the window every few minutes and let a blast of cold air keep me from falling asleep and veering off the road. Wasn't able to get a great deal of sleep once I got back to Indianapolis, and after my short shift Sunday morning, I spent the afternoon shooting a sketch for Rich Abbott and Psycho Rabbit Productions. Whew! Time for a breather...

No shoots scheduled for this upcoming week - I'd like to get this flick done as soon as possible, but maybe I should start writing a smaller project to keep myself busy during the downtime. Hell, I think I already have enough material for at least two Fakebook Me sequels. Something to think about.

- Jeff S.

Bottoms Up News #6

2009-04-27T00:30:00.003-04:00

Things are moving right along with the new flick (still untitled, now that I think of it) - Troy was down for playing the doctor and came through last Tuesday. Josh and I knocked his shots out with relative ease, and the "office" setting looked even better than I had anticipated. It was also nice to finally start recording some of the scenes with actual dialogue (this constant directing of non-verbal-only acting, you'd think I'm making a silent film). Hopefully the sound of acoustic guitar and tittering women floating in from next door wasn't picked up too much by the mic, but I'm sure it'll be all right. What's frustrating, though, is that I'm told this was the only time there have ever been other people around that specific room at that time - ordinarily, there's complete silence. Figures. I guess you could say that was the only "snag" of the night. That, and the parking ticket waiting for me when I returned to my car.

This upcoming week looks to be promising, as well. For starters, the plan is to shoot both of Laura's scenes during the day tomorrow and then grab the long-awaited intro shot with Jorma at night (after another meeting with Rich, Smiley, and that whole crew - this time in Avon). If I'm able to get all that smoothly, I'll definitely have enough content to dive right into editing, which I'm PUMPED for (I say that now...probably'll be singing a different tune around hour 600). Fuck it, though - it's time to start piecing this son of a bitch together.

Also, I submitted Fakebook Me into Bloomington's 2009 Iris Film Festival, which is this upcoming Saturday (May 2nd). Haven't gotten the official word that its been accepted yet, but I've been in contact with people behind the festival, and I'm confident that it'll get in. The buzz is that there are cash prizes this year...oh, snap! Cross your fingers!

Then on Sunday, it's possible that Smiley will still be in town (we're all doing it up Friday night and Saturday morning - Soul Session at the Jazz Kitchen and then paintball...gonna be a bitchin' weekend), which means that he, Josh, and I could have a serious opportunity to knock some shit out. Gotta try and take advantage of all our schedules lining up, but we'll see what happens. Again, it'll be an interesting week - hoping for the best.

Went to Fry's Electronics a few days ago with the naive intention of not spending the whole afternoon there. However, I was able to pick up the Criterion DVD of Chungking Express (probably my favorite Wong Kar-Wai movie) for a pretty decent price, as well as drool over the various video cameras they had on sale. In all honesty, though...a serious upgrade might not be too far in the future. My goal is to shoot the next Bottoms Up Production on brand spanking new equipment...my own, for a change.

By the way, am I the only one who thinks Obsessed looks relatively decent? Not good, mind you, but entertaining in a trashy, yet watchable way.

- Jeff S.

Choice Clip #7: Jungle Fever

2009-04-19T21:34:00.003-04:00

The following clip is, for my money, the best scene in Spike Lee's 1991 film Jungle Fever. A quick plot setup before I go any further: The story centers around the interracial relationship between Flipper (an African-American) and Angie (an Italian-American). It starts at Flipper's workplace and is initially kept a secret, but things quickly spiral out of control when his wife finds out about the affair. The following scene takes place shortly after the discovery, which sparks a debate between Drew (the aforementioned wife) and her female friends on the subject of interracial dating (specifically, black men seeing white women).

Never one to shy away from "uncomfortable" subjects and hidden truths about our society that we'd rather ignore than discuss, Spike Lee pulls no punches here. The dialogue exchanged between these women contains a frank and often brutal honesty that's seldom seen in the movies and was apparently "improvised over a period of two days by Lee and the actresses, who were asked to contribute their own deepest feelings on the subject". This bit of knowledge only adds to genunine feel and overall authenticity of the scene, as while watching, you often get the sense that the actresses (perhaps caught up in the seriousness of the subject, as well as their own relatability to it) have gone completely off-book - they're now, as the people that they are, venting on their own personal demons which happen to conveniently fit the context of the story Lee has constructed. It's a fascinating "fly-on-the-wall" sequence where, as a viewer, you just sit back and soak in all the different opinions, ideas, perspectives the women throw your way. Whether you agree or not isn't important - the beautiful thing is that it acknowledges the subjects at hand (which, as stated above, are often kept on the down-low in society) while forcing you to do some thinking of your own. In my own humble opinion, those are the often the first steps we must take if we're to solve some of the more "controversial" problems in the world: we first have to recognize the issue for what it truly is (not sugarcoating it in the process), and then fucking talk about it - throwing our thoughts and opinions out there, setting aside our fear of judgement for the goal of actually making progress. Lee is an extremely capable director in this respect, and if you don't believe me, all you gotta do is watch Do The Right Thing or Bamboozled. And that's just naming a couple.

Went a little off topic, so I'm gonna wrap things up before I introduce the clip. The moments here range from sad, to humorous, to angry, and not a second of it feels fake, artificial, or forced - documentary-style honesty within a fictional film, and it's truly a wonder to behold. Please watch, enjoy, and most importantly - let me know what you think.

- Jeff S.

P.S. In capable hands, improvisation fucking rules. It's as simple as that.

Bottoms Up News #5

2009-04-17T21:20:00.005-04:00

Started the second shoot Tuesday night, just after getting wings with Josh, Smiley, Lori, and Carole. Once again, it was just Smiley and I this time out, and we still haven't shot anything with dialogue yet. Jorma (my no-show co-worker I mentioned in the last post) was still MIA, so I wasn't able to snag his shot for the opening credits. Getting impatient on that one, because now it's the last remaining piece I need before I can start cutting the sequence together (it's the very first shot - don't wanna start timing shit to music, only to have to change it all later). Spoke with him the next day, though - assured me he's still down for doing the movie. I hope so. Also, Jorma's enough of a character himself that I was thinking of writing a part for him in a future flick - he's fucking hilarious without even trying. Especially if the subject is music.

Smiley and I could've squeezed in the initial scene when our characters are on the phone, but it was getting late and we didn't wanna force anything. We were both pretty beat up and it most likely would've shown in our performances. Still had a productive shoot, though - glad the ball has finally gotten rolling on this thing.

Don't know when the next shoot is gonna be - I'd like to shoot the scenes with the doctor as soon as possible. I plan on asking my buddy/co-worker Troy to play him. He's a little older than the rest of us (same with Jorma), which'll inject some legitimacy into the role - it'll make things seem less like "kids playing dress-up". Josh confirmed that a particular room at his job could serve as a suitable "office", so everyone's schedules just have to line up at this point - I'll try to make it happen.

I have a meeting on Monday night with Rich Abbott - a guy Smiley told me about who resides here in Indianapolis and is trying to put together a sketch comedy show. Both Smiley and I are attending - figure as long as there are people in the city attempting the same sort of thing we are, we might as well get our networking on. Couldn't hurt.

It's funny - I'm almost finished reading Spike Lee's journal that he kept during the production of Do The Right Thing and he mentions all the difficulties of having the story take place over the course of a single day. Making the entire eight week shoot look the same (not to mention keeping the actors' haircuts consistent and so on) was a bitch to say the least, and now I can relate to Lee's pain. But hey, at least he had a whole crew of people to help him make everything match. Oh, the joys of independent filmmaking...

- Jeff S.

Bottoms Up News #4

2009-04-13T15:40:00.002-04:00

Things are finally getting underway regarding this thing - the first official shoot was last Tuesday (I think), and it went really well. Smiley and I basically just hit the road and knocked out as much "little but crucial" shit as we could. Nothing with dialogue yet - mostly just stuff for the opening credits sequence, but again, we got a lot. One specific downtown shot went even better than I anticipated - looks fucking killer. I knew the spot I picked to shoot was gonna be a winner, but damn, that shit caught both Smiley and I off guard. Can't wait to shoot the rest of the opening so I can start cutting it together. Also, a different shot involving a sunset worked out surprisingly well, as we got the timing just right. Shortly after we got what we needed, the sun was completely down - a brief window to be sure, but we hit it. Things weren't without the occasional snag, though - a drained battery goof on my part required some quick thinking, and we ended up dashing into a public pool hall for a little bit of juice (just enough to finish the last shot we were on). Also, my co-worker didn't answer his phone when it was time to set up the one shot he agreed to be in. Whatever. Not like it can't be gotten later.

I've pretty much given up the idea of having this thing look like it's set in the dead of winter, as steady spring weather is rapidly approaching. Best I can do is try to shoot as little "green" as possible and have people fake-shiver while dressed appropriately. It could technically take place in early fall, but I'm not trying to sweat it so much. Snow would drive everything home a little more, but it's not completely crucial and doesn't change the core of the story at the end of the day. The wealth of storyboards I was planning are also out - I started with some really detailed ones, but quickly realized that if I did every single shot in that style, I'd never fucking finish. Besides, I have most specifications written in the script anyway, as well as in my head. I'll quickly storyboard the ones I don't, but that'll be that.

Hopefully, I'll be able to get more shooting in over the next couple of days, as Smiley's gonna be in town. That's the plan for right now, we'll see how it goes.

- Jeff S.

Choice Clip #6: Cowboy Bebop - Knocking on Heaven's Door

2009-04-05T16:24:00.005-04:00

Hell yeah - it's about time I got animated on that ass. No real setup is necessary for this particular clip: it involves Spike Spiegel sneaking into a medical research building and getting caught, but really, don't worry about it too much - just sit back and enjoy the action. I'm glad director Shinichiro Watanabe didn't stray too far from the television series' roots with his film version - the jazz music kicking up just as the wisecracking Spike leaps into action is classic Bebop and the exact sort of thing that made us fall in love with it in the first place. This clip also serves as irrefutable proof that the medium of animation is capable of providing moments that are just as, if not more, thrilling than those found in live-action cinema. Suck on that, Batman Begins (no, I'm never gonna stop ragging on the "action" in those Nolan flicks). The direction in this scene is completely on point, even after the actual fight between Spike and the woman is over (see the shot from 1:34 to 1:37 - hot).

Also, 1:04 to 1:11 - is there anyone cooler than Spike Spiegel? Seriously. Anyone?

- Jeff S.

Sigh...

2009-04-03T23:33:00.003-04:00

...Let's all pretend this HASN'T been done at least twice before:

Isn't it about time this tired-ass concept is put out to pasture? I mean, for fuck's sake...

- Jeff S.

Choice Clip #5: Clockers

2009-03-30T10:51:00.003-04:00

Oh, yeah - Smiley, this one's for you.

Not gonna get into it, but go watch watch Spike Lee's Clockers if you haven't already - it's easily one of his most underrated joints that you don't hear shit about (wasn't even screened in the Spike Lee course I took at college - fucking criminal). The setup for this bad boy: Strike (played by a young Mekhi Phifer - his first role, in fact) is a 24 hour, low-level drug dealer who works for Rodney Little (played by Delroy Lindo), the local "kingpin" of the neighborhood. Earlier in the film, Little hints to Strike about an opportunity for advancement and a rival dealer is found dead soon after. With homicide detectives constantly grilling Strike about the murder, Little is nervous about what info he might have given up - if he implicated him in some way. The two then decide to take a little car ride...

What a scene. There's a palpable tension and electricity in the air at 0:41 - even before Rodney reacts, you know Strike has crossed the line and some shit's about to go down. And Delroy Lindo, geez - dude shows just how versatile he is, especially after his role as the warm, loving father figure in Crooklyn, Spike Lee's previous joint. The way he manhandles Strike in broad daylight - you know he doesn't give a fuck!

- Jeff S.

Top Five: Bad Moments In Otherwise Great Films

2009-03-23T17:01:00.012-04:00

Honorable mention: Donnie Brasco - The Backhand

Although this blunder is small and purely technical, it remains completely bewildering every time I see (or should I say, "hear") it: The plot set-up isn't important - Michael Madsen backhands Bruno Kirby in the face for making an out-of-line remark, that's all you really need to know. What's puzzling here, however, is the fucking sound effect that was chosen for the impact. Not only is it a blatant "stock" noise that was added in post-production, but it simply reeks of comedic slapstick - the sort of sound you'd expect to hear in a Tex Avery cartoon, not a feature-length drama released by a major film studio (starring respectable actors such as Al Pacino and Johnny Depp). Can't really comprehend how something as stupid as this slipped through all the cracks during post-production - the film has to be viewed and scrutinized over and over again to make sure that nothing silly or out-of-place makes it to the final cut. And it's not just that no one spoke up about this ridiculous "thwack", but a sound guy had to actually go out of his way, dive into the archives, and hand-pick this particular effect...the question now is whether this individual was high or just plain stupid. Almost anything else would've been a better option, even having an extra make a slap/clapping noise in front of a microphone. As someone who understands and has experience with the ins and outs of post-production (what's simple to do, difficult to do, and so on), this goofy sound making it to the theatrical and DVD release is flat-out inexcusable. No mention or explanation of it during the commentary track, either. For shame, Mike Newell - you know better than that.

Sorry I couldn't post just the snippet - view 8:46-8:51 to see/hear what I'm talking about.

5: War of the Worlds - The Son Living

Arghh, what's so frustrating is that up until it was revealed that Tom Cruise's son had lived, War of the Worlds appeared to be pulling no punches. Surprisingly gangster for its PG-13 rating (Cruise murdering Tim Robbins in cold blood, despite his daughter being in the next room), the movie was, and still is, edge-of-your-seat entertainment at its finest because of the raw and intense way all the events unfolded - with how gritty and bleak everything seemed, I really didn't know if this supposedly "blockbuster/popcorn" flick was gonna have a happy ending. Sadly, however, the film pussies out during the final 2 minutes by having the son live. Not only is it utterly nonsensical (Robbie is seen running over the top of a hill that's completely obliterated moments later), but it would've added a real punch to an already emotional experience if one of the three protagonists didn't make it out alive. Wouldn't have seemed "sudden" or "forced", either - Cruise and Robbie even had their final, father/son understanding ("You need to let me go...") before parting, as if the movie was specifically going out of its way to set up the kid's demise and make it a natural moment. Unfortunately, he pops up again at the very end (without a word of explanation), making everyone in the theater groan a collective "Are you fucking serious???" So while Robbie's survival doesn't negate the kickass film that proceded it, the fact that it's the note the movie ends on can't help but leave a sour taste in my mouth, which is really too bad. The brat should've bit the dust.

4: Carlito's Way - The Front Door

Sigh, I wouldn't really mind Carlito's relationship with Gail so much if it weren't for this scene. Sorry I couldn't find a clip in English, but you'll get the idea of why I dislike it so much. Basically, Gail (the love of Carlito's life) seductively taunts him through the chain of her front door, with every remark visibly jabbing him with temptation ("Break the chain...chase me around the apartment...get me naked..."). This culminates in Gail leaving the doorway and purposely undressing to give Carlito a view through the reflection in her mirror. To top all this off, "You Are So Beautiful" crescendos on the soundtrack as Carlito grunts and, as if pulled by a magnet, flails his arm through the crack of the door. Unable to restrain himself any further, he then "passionately" bursts through the door (breaking the chain in the process) and seizes Gail. It's a spectacularly corny moment in an otherwise uncorny film, and DePalma couldn't have picked a tackier song (its refrain at the end of the movie almost ruins the pitch-perfect ending, as well...almost). When showing Carlito's Way to friends, this is the one scene that comes up where I find myself downright embarrassed.

3: The Man with the Golden Gun - The Slide Whistle

Because a car doing a complete, 360 degree, mid-air spiral and sticking the landing isn't cool enough, the filmmakers behind this James Bond flick decided that adding a slide whistle to the soundtrack would kick things up a notch. There's not much I have to say about this one - it's similar to my beef with the above Donnie Brasco entry. Choosing the wrong sound effect during post-production can single-handedly destroy an otherwise awesome scene/moment. Why this decision was reached makes me wonder what director Guy Hamilton was smoking - it's not like he doesn't have Bond/action experience. He directed Goldfinger, for crying out loud (as well as Diamonds Are Forever and Live and Let Die, but I haven't seen those in their entirety yet)! No need to watch the whole clip below - the scene I'm talking about is the very first one.

2: X-Men - The "Toad" Line

Oh, yeah - I bet everybody saw this one coming. I'm letting director Bryan Singer off the hook because he didn't seem that thrilled with this line's inclusion on the DVD commentary, leading me to believe that it wasn't completely up to him. Maybe the studios think that in a blockbuster, you can't kill off one of the bad guys without saying something "cool". However, even if that were true, Storm's line here about toads and lightning doesn't even come close to qualifying as such. Thinking she was gonna drop some interesting scientific fun fact I didn't know about, my curiousity was sparked. Then came the second half of this little zinger and, well...what the fuck. It's assuredly the worst line in the whole trilogy, and the fact that it came from Storm's mouth makes me dislike her character even more. Check 1:54 for the specific bit I'm talking about - get ready to cringe!

1: Jungle Fever - The Ending

Boy, oh, boy - as much as I love Spike Lee, you really get the sense that he flat-out didn't know how to end this motherfucker. It's not that I don't get what he was going for - Jungle Fever has a heavy subplot concerning drug abuse and the destruction it can cause upon not just families, but society, in general. This scene mirrors one earlier in the film, where Wesley Snipes is approached by a crack whore with a similar offer while walking his daughter to school. We know that Snipes fears for his daughter's future, and being approached by this image of what his little girl could potentially become (emphasized by the woman referring to him as "Daddy") understandably freaks him out. He's taking a step away from the actual plot, letting out a surreal "cry" to the audience and for the future of young women having to grow up in these environments where drugs and addicts are prominent. However, it's a little too surreal for my taste and so unbelievably jarring that it's hard to take Spike Lee's message seriously (especially with that ridiculous camera swoop - come on). If you're trying to express an important issue cinematically, you need to make damn sure it's not unintentionally funny, because then you've just lost the audience for good - for instance, I first saw Jungle Fever in a Spike Lee class I took at college, and everyone in the room was in hysterics when this popped up, myself included. It's hard not to be - I mean, this is the final note the film ends on, freeze-frame and all, with just the credits afterwards. Its a real shame too, because the 131 minutes leading up to this disaster of an ending ain't half bad.

- Jeff S.

P.S. If you have any "Bad Moments In Otherwise Great Films" picks of your own, feel free to comment and post them - I'd love to know what they are.

Choice Clip #4: Spider-Man 3

2009-03-17T02:41:00.004-04:00

Spider-Man 3 got a bad rap. Peter Parker sporting an emo haircut while gyrating and dancing down the streets of New York stunned fans everywhere (not in the good way), shattering their hopes of seeing the webslinger take his franchise in a much "darker" direction. I, however, disagree with most of these deriders, who seem a little too stuck on the philsophy that a franchise can only reach true brilliance if it takes a sinister turn (um, they tried that with Superman 3, and we all know how that turned out...). As a matter of fact, something I love about the Spider-Man films is how they playfully walk that line between serious and goofy, never veering too far in either direction. It gives them a unique feel and seems appropriate for the vision Sam Raimi was trying to create. I gotta say that all the consistent hating on Spider-Man 3 was a little bit of a shock - I mean, when you think about it, the emo/dance sequences are really just extended versions of the silliness that the "Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head" bit from Spider-Man 2 introduced, which practically everyone loved. Maybe people just had different expectations for Spider-Man 3, I don't know (all right, maybe the trailer did mislead them a little bit, but I was glad it didn't show all the movie's cards). I actually thought having the alien symbiote turn Parker into a conceited asshole, rather than a generic "evil" version of himself, was a master stroke (not to mention hilarious). To quote my brother, when he's strutting his stuff and finger-gunning to the James Brown soundtrack, it's like "he's walking libido - his 'id' is out to play". The fun that Raimi and Maguire are having on set is so palpable you can feel it, and you can't help but smile along with them - people need to chill out. It's not like we didn't get any "dark" Spidey action - after brutally grinding Sandman's head against a moving train, he essentially murders him in cold blood (something that we all know traditional red n' blue Spidey wouldn't do). And after that, Parker proceeds to beat the living shit out of his best friend, blowing off half his face in the process. Fucking gangster.

I'm kinda cheating here by posting two clips, but they're so similiar that they're almost extensions of one another - had to do it. You don't really need much of a plot setup - the black Spider-Man suit (created by an alien symbiote) has transformed Parker into a womanizing prick. In the second clip, he gets back at Mary Jane Watson (who just dumped him for reasons that aren't important - just know that she still cares for him) by bringing cutie Gwen Stacy to the jazz club where she works. Dig on this...

- Jeff S.

P.S. Notice how Gwen Stacy's hair blows back at 0:53. So slapstick, I love it.

Bottoms Up News #3: Tired of these titles

2009-03-13T02:10:00.005-04:00

I'm not referring to the title of my upcoming movie, but the titles of these "Bottoms Up News" posts (although I always do have trouble naming my flicks, this one being no expection). From now on, it's just gonna be the number. I figure that you'll get the skinny on everything when reading the post anyway, so fuck it.

Smiley, Josh, and Laura came by on Tuesday night for our first (and probably only) read-through of the script. Everything went well, but I'm aching to hear the dialogue once it's all memorized - the shit's gotta bounce. Speaking of which, I should gradually start learning my own lines. I keep forgetting that I'm a player in this bitch, too.

I just got back from a few rounds of late-night pool with a co-worker and realized that he might be good for one of the smaller roles. I'll have to see if he's down the next time we talk. Speaking of work, my schedule has been a bitch this week, preventing me from making any serious progress on storyboards (although I suppose I could've gotten some done after the read-through instead of playing Ratchet and Clank: Deadlocked until 4:30 in the morning - fuck it, I gotta enjoy myself sometime). However, it eases up a little starting tomorrow, as I have the day off. I have a lot I'm gonna try to cram in, but storyboarding this beast has got to be a priority. Quit fucking around.

- Jeff S.

Bottoms Up News #2: Casting and such

2009-03-09T21:21:00.003-04:00

The key actors for my new flick have been locked in - Thomas Smiley will be leading this piece with myself, Josh Eckert, and Laura McCabe tackling the supporting roles. All the aforementioned names are Bottoms Up veterans (check the vids on the right), so it should keep things light and breezy while filming. I'll be sure to post more casting news as it becomes official (we got a few smaller parts to fill), but that's the best I can do for now. I will say to expect at least a couple new faces, though.

Although pre-production for this baby is definitely underway, I still have a lot to do if we're gonna commence filming next week (dat's da plan). For instance, I'm trying to arrange at least one read-through of the script with the principal actors - perhaps tomorrow night.

- Jeff S.

Down and out in NYC

2009-03-05T02:28:00.004-05:00

Not that I update this blog every day anyway, but I just wanted to let people know that I'm going on a brief hiatus and won't be posting anything new until probably Monday evening (at the earliest). Hopefully I'll return from the Big Apple fresh and rested, although I doubt that'll be the case - visiting NYC is more of an action-packed trip than a "vacation". You come back more tired than when you left and with a renewed contempt for your hometown to boot (half-kidding).

Big things happening next week, though - check back then for all the juicy details. Have a great weekend, everyone.

- Jeff S.

Trailer Spotlight #3: Two Lovers

2009-03-01T23:27:00.006-05:00

My brother originally told me about Two Lovers, but it was this international trailer that really made me jazzed to see it (I even marked the Indianapolis release date on my calendar). It came out in 2008, and is the third collaboration between director James Gray and actor Joaquin Phoenix (they previously worked together in We Own The Night and The Yards, which I know next to nothing about - they'll probably make the netlix queue). Having just seen the film, I figured it'd be an appropriate entry for the next "Trailer Spotlight", as I believe it's still playing in most major cities (trying to mix it up and do not only past and future previews, but also current).

I really liked the movie - definitely lived up to my expectations brought on by this trailer. While I usually can't stand the cliched "It's like 'blank' meets 'blank'!!!" advertising quote that appears on a lot of previews, I will say that this one here seemed like a delicious and beautiful mix of In The Mood For Love and Match Point. I think it was the combination of the "we're neighbors" plot and the strings on the soundtrack that gave me the Wong Kar-Wai deja-vu, while the portrait of a juicy affair that's headed for an explosive climax evoked Woody Allen's 2005 masterpiece (I also think the Two Lovers trailer features some of the same opera music that was in that movie). Anyway, it was a terrific film - hopefully it won't be the final performance we see from Joaquin Phoenix, as he delivers a tour de force of non-verbal acting that's fucking vicious (especially towards the end of the movie). It'd be a shame if he quits the business to become the rapping drug addict everyone saw on David Letterman, but whatever, that dude's gonna do what he's gonna do (I'm still not convinced the whole thing isn't a giant hoax, though).

Also, maybe I'm just watching too much Entourage, but doesn't the voice that's yelling at Gwyneth Paltrow at the beginning sound like Jeremy Piven?

- Jeff S.

Top Chef Afterthoughts: Season Finale Part 2

2009-03-01T21:12:00.007-05:00

The following is my thoughts on the latest episode of Top Chef, the Bravo television show that has become my latest addiction. Needless to say, it contains spoilers, so do not read any further unless you have seen the episode (or if you just don't give a shit). For those who don't watch or care about Top Chef, you probably won't find anything too entertaining here - just scroll down to my other previous posts and catch up on any you may have missed.

Sigh, I don't have a whole hell of a lot to say regarding the finale - Hosea wins, and I'm pretty salty about it (along with most of the public, to my surprise). Although the consensus is that he did make the better meal that night (they liked 4/4 dishes compared to Stefan's 2/4), I don't think anyone could seriously argue that he's a better chef than Stefan. My father put it well when he said something along the lines of Hosea being a decent/passable chef, but having no true moments of brilliance in his cooking - unlike Stefan. Sure he slipped up a little on the finale, but Hosea definitely had his fair share of mistakes over the course of the season and didn't knock it out of the park nearly as many times as Stefan did. It's as plain as day - on a scale of 1-10, Hosea is maybe a 7.5 or an 8 (solid/consistent, but relatively unremarkable). Stefan, on the other hand, is easily a 9 or a 9.5 - not infallible, but when he does it right (which is most of time), it's truly something special. Like I mentioned above, the general public (or at least those who vote on Bravotv.com) shares my opinion that Stefan should've won over Hosea, which is pretty interesting. I figured that Stefan was this season's "villain", fulfilling the role of someone to root against while cheering on the underdog Carla and all-around "good guy" (but ultimately generic) Hosea. I think it's cool that, despite Stefan's questionable attitude, the public still acknowledges his superiority in the kitchen and called bullshit when the due props weren't distributed. I don't feel too bad for the guy, though - he does already owns his own business, and since he truly is an amazing chef, that will guarantee a prosperous future. I was glad to see his cavalier attitude after losing - I mean, he's right. He, along with everyone else, knows that he was the best/most consistent chef of that season, and at the end of the day, he did make it that far. Not the end of the world. Can't say the same for Carla, who I felt bad for, but at the same time...come on. It's nothing to bawl over. Speaking of Carla...

Yeah, season 3's Casey kind of fucked her in the kitchen. Tom was right - Carla's style and ideas, which had been doing wonders for her the 2nd half of this season, were negatively influenced by Casey's input, and she went down because of it. While I'm not putting the entire blame on Casey (Carla probably was a little frazzled and underprepared), the fact that it was sort of a joint failure is undeniable. What's interesting, however, is how Casey completely "threw Carla under the bus" (oh, I never tire of that expression) in a recent interview, basically blaming her for the entire train wreck. This was seemingly done in an attempt to keep her own hands from getting dirty, as the show made it out to be more Casey's fault - she probably just wanted to set the record straight for anyone who still cares about her stupid career. It's not long, so definitely give it a read:

Ouch...

Pretty brutal stuff, especially if you consider how sweet a person Carla is (despite her annoying tendencies). It's a complete mystery why Casey won fan favorite in season 3 - maybe because she reminded audiences of Jennifer Aniston and smiled to her fellow contestants faces (waiting until after the cameras stopped rolling to cut them down). Further proof of Casey's inner bitch can be found in this radio podcast that was recorded not too long after the season 3 finale: she has a palpable hatred of Hung and makes several weak excuses for why she didn't win - whah, whah, whah...check out the link below if you have a few minutes. You can actually taste the bitter:

You suck. Get over it.

Why the hell was Casey even invited back? Yeah, she made it to the final 3 in her season, but she was the "Carla" of that season (meaning, she dropped the ball and it clearly became a race between the other two, male finalists). It's not like she was a true runner-up like Richard from the Chicago season. Speaking of Rich, it was great to see him again, as he's one of my all-time favorite players in the show. As my brother pointed out, no wonder Hosea won the whole thing - fucking Richard Blais was his sous-chef! Of course it gave him a leg up - picking him was the smartest thing he did all night. What's funny is that the random cake assigning could have seriously changed the outcome of the entire season - what if Stefan paired up with Richard? Also, screw Hosea's little sabotage attempt by giving Stefan the alligator. He took it and whipped up an awesome appetizer, something I doubt Hosea would've been able to do (he was scared shitless of that alligator - good thing he got to pick first...).

I may have to rethink what I said in an earlier post about the judges being amused by Toby Young - they seemed to downright hate him in this episode. His ridiculous argument about a dessert being necessary in a meal (to a point where a shitty dessert should get awarded more points than a great last course, for no other reason than it just being a dessert) seemed to disgust Tom. All the judges just seemed irritated and tired of his off-base comments, like they were frustrated that the producers had locked them all in the same room by putting him on the show in the first place. I don't blame them - forced to deal with that asshole on a daily basis is an assuredly grueling task. Why the hell did he return, anyway? His exclusion from the last episode was the next best thing to Jeff coming back. Speaking of Jeff, it was cool to see him again at the very end - nice that he got to celebrate along with Fabio, and so on. However, it seems that the producers are totally playing favorites with who they invite, as Fabio was the only former contestant invited to the final dinner. I mean, Jeff and Leah (and probably Jamie, as well) were definitely still in town - this was obvious by their inclusion after Hosea had won. They don't get invited to dinner? I'm sure they only had Leah there at the end to see how she would react to Hosea's win. It definitely paid off, because look at what footage they ended up getting:

It's probably because he's $100,000 richer.

I'm trying not to get too upset by how things this season wrapped up. After all, Jeff was given a second shot, and real talents like Fabio will still land on their feet (I'm convinced he's gonna get his own show on some network, plus win fan favorite next week). All that, plus the explosion of new customers he's sure to have at his California restaurant, will add up to more than Hosea's measly 100 grand. He had better step up his cooking or, at the very least, get a personality - otherwise, it might as well have been Fabio who won the title of Top Chef.

Sigh, so I guess that's that. Not sure if I'll write a post regarding next week's reunion - maybe if it's a particularly entertaining one, but otherwise, this will most likely be the last "Top Chef: Afterthoughts" entry. 'Til the next season, everyone!

- Jeff S.

A historic moment

2009-02-25T01:36:00.003-05:00

I know this isn't film-related, but I really think it's important that we all take a second to sit back and acknowledge the significance of this truly historical moment in our nation's history - the moment when President Barack Obama...

...gave our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man some dap.

- Jeff S.

Trailer Spotlight #2: The Wackness

2009-02-24T02:20:00.008-05:00

Having just watched the flick a couple of times recently (netflixed myself and then again through a friend), 2008's The Wackness has been fresh on my mind and I fondly remember the trailers that originally drew me to it. I knew absolutely nothing of the film prior to watching them, but they did a good enough job to make me check the schedule of my local "arts" cinema on the regular. After impatiently waiting for it to claw its way to Indianapolis, The Wackness finally dropped and I zipped to the theater with a couple friends in tow - this served as a classic example of a well-crafted trailer over-hyping me on a film, leading me to believe that I'd get more out of it than I eventually did. That being said, I certainly didn't dislike The Wackness. Not at all. It just turned out to be a solid, 3 star flick instead of the 3.5 or 4 that I was expecting - what can you do. However, subsequent viewings have yielded more positive results, as I started taking the movie in for what it was, rather than what I initially hoped it would be. But anyway, seeing as this isn't a film review, I'll quit yapping and get to the bloody trailers.

Sometimes, all it takes is the proper setting for a movie to sink its claws into me. Such is the case with The Wackness, as the teaser announces its "NYC/Summer '94" backdrop with a proud assurance. I was sold right then and there, for I had no recollection of that exceptional time period ever being explored cinematically before (several legendary, east coast rappers that include Nas, Biggie, and Jeru The Damaja had made their creatively explosive debuts then, causing many to consider 1994 the true "golden age" of hip hop). That alone injected the film with incredible potential, guaranteeing that, at the very least, its soundtrack would make it worth watching. The lack of plot details doesn't matter, as the trailer seems to recognize that its confidence in the setting is all it needs (besides, this is just a "teaser"). The attention-grabbing song, funny exchange towards the end, and "audience award" credit sure as hell don't hurt things, either. Check it below:

The full-length trailer, however, moves beyond the setting's initial hook and fleshes out the plot a little more. It cements the film as a 90s nostalgia piece (note the references to Nintendo, 90210, and so on), primarily focusing on coming-of-age, youthful angst. Despite my initial shock of seeing a slender Josh Peck in the lead role (not resembling the overacting bozo from Nickelodeon's Drake and Josh), I was definitely down for the proceedings, and the extra bits of dialogue thrown in only helped - the "just wants to be friends/make her like you" exchange being a particular highlight. I didn't think the actual listing of the soundtrack was necessary at that point (as I said, the setting itself, not to mention the tracks actually used in the preview, all but confirms that everyone's ears are gonna be just fine), but that's my only critique of this otherwise fine trailer.

- Jeff S.

Generic DVD marketing trends - boo!

2009-02-21T00:47:00.010-05:00

I barely had to do any actual "research" for this post. Roughly 4000 examples of the generic DVD marketing trend that I'm about to describe leaped out at me as I casually perused the shelves at Disc Replay - all I did was jot a few of 'em down into my notepad. I'll refer to this recent, horrifying movement in DVD marketing as the "disjointed squares" look. What it is, essentially, is a few images from the flick (usually characters, but not always) placed inside several, different-sized boxes, which are then slapped onto the DVD cover in a haphazard fashion. I'm not quite sure what the makers of these covers were trying to get across with their bland smattering of pictures, but I'd have to guess that it was something along the lines of: "I either refused to put any thought into the marketing of this film or simply didn't have one motherfucking clue as to how." These dull covers say/imply/express zero about the movie's story, characters, tone, and so on, not giving shoppers the slightest insight into what fucking ride they're gonna be in for if they purchase the flick. And the creators of these train wrecks would have a hard time making a case for the cover actually being appropriate for the specific film, as this uninteresting "we give up" template has tainted several, very different titles. For example, here are some that exhibit the crap I'm talking about:

See what I mean? I guess this is just me, as a longtime DVD junkie, bellowing a cry for more thought and effort to be put into their covers/marketing. The above examples are essentially polar-opposites of the awesome work done by the creative masterminds at Criterion:

Rather than solely showcase the actors, these (and many more over at Criterion) are dedicated to visually expressing what's at the heart of each individual film's story. I suppose that, at the end of the day, it harkens back to the classic, age-old struggle between art and commerce. From a marketing standpoint, I understand that treating/advertising films as art and art alone isn't necessarily the wisest move (Criterion has recognized this also, as they've released a few of their DVDs with more "accessible" slip covers over the real ones). However, even when treating film/DVDs as product rather than art, is it too much to ask that we get something of slightly higher quality than the schlock I posted above? It's not that all DVDs adopt this style, but enough of them for me to take fucking notice. Do away with this nonsense, it's gotta go - it's swiftly becoming the most annoying DVD fad since the whole "big head" fiasco:

- Jeff S.

Top Chef Afterthoughts: The Last Supper/Season Finale Part 1

2009-02-20T17:22:00.003-05:00

The following is my thoughts on the latest episode of Top Chef, the Bravo television show that has become my latest addiction. Needless to say, it contains spoilers, so do not read any further unless you have seen the episode (or if you just don't give a shit). For those who don't watch or care about Top Chef, you probably won't find anything too entertaining here - just scroll down to my other previous posts and catch up on any you may have missed.

Sorry about the lack of an individual post for last week's "Last Supper" episode, but I didn't have an incredible amount to say, so I figure I'd beef up this entry by doing things double-time. My comments from that former episode are below, in bullet form:

- Something seemed "off" about Carla winning that quickfire. I mean, they acted like everyone trying to incorporate molecular gastronomy was a mistake, and the true secret to winning was in not doing that. Huh? Seeing as the guest judge was Mister molecular gastronomy, I don't think the other chefs were foolish by choosing to exhibit their talents in that department. It seems like if Carla had that skill (she more or less stated that she didn't), she would've gone that route, as well. However, her inability to do so was rewarded, as she won by simply turning ham and eggs green. I didn't taste them, of course, but I'm just saying that they better have been fucking amazing to justify the quickfire win. Also, I was impressed and intrigued by Hosea's egg whites being used as a sort of sushi wrap - seemed both creative and delicious.

- I really dug the concept of the elimination challenge: have the contestants make what these culinary gods pick as their personal "last meal". I've thought about this myself a number of times, so it was cool to see what everyone was coming up with. For the record, I think mine would be relatively simple - A giant plate of General Tso's chicken, preferably in the style that Chinese Ruby (my favorite restaurant in Indianapolis, when it was open) prepared it. There would also be a side of shrimp fried rice (preferably Benihana-style) and a Coca-Cola. I'd also like to have a side of fried shrimp, but maybe that's too many items for one meal, I don't know.

- I was definitely rooting for Fabio this episode. I obviously felt for him when he broke his finger, but it would be such a lousy time to lose. Going home right before the finals, and now with a broken bone? What a lousy combo. Fortunately, he pulled it off and not only made it to the finals, but actually won the challenge. He has to love the bragging rights that earned him ("Even one-handed, I'm a better chef than all you guys!"). Good for him, he deserved it.

- Glad to finally see Leah's tired ass go home. Again, she acted like she half-expected it and couldn't care less. What's interesting, however, is that it was because of a lousy eggs benedict. I used to make that shit all the time when I was a line cook, and it really wasn't that difficult - there's not a whole hell of a lot to it. Also, I don't know how she was able to spend most of her $300 budget on something so simple, but I guess it was the number of people she had to cook for that eventually upped the bill. Still, though...

All right, onto the latest episode - "Season Finale Part 1". This was one of the better episodes in a long time, for several reasons that are obvious to anyone who has been reading these "Afterthoughts" posts. First of all, we got the fucking resurrection and redemption of Jeff. My excitement gradually increased throughout the episode. It was sparked by his simple reappearance, but I thought it would be nothing more than him getting to help out as a sous chef or something (as they've done in past seasons). I started to freak out, however, when it was revealed that he would have a shot at getting back into the competition. Let me tell you, in my entire history of watching this show, I don't think I've ever been rooting for a particular chef to win a particular challenge as much as I was during this quickfire. As far as Top Chef goes, it was like a dream come true: After the complete joke that was Jeff's initial elimination, I wanted nothing more than for him to have another shot - a fair one that he wouldn't be kicking himself for years after the fact, even if he did lose in the end. My wish was granted, and it totally made this episode - I even screamed out, "YES!!!" like a fool when Emeril announced Jeff's name as the winner, as I initially thought that they liked Jamie's dish better (based on their facial expressions). I figured she would be his main competition, as Leah didn't know what the hell she was doing. But in the end, my man pulled it off, and finally got his due props. Even if the prize was just a crappy Emeril cook, to see Jeff smile as his superiority was acknowledged made my night - you could tell how jazzed he was to be back in the game, especially after the unjust way he was booted the first time. Good for him.

Although I felt that him having to win the whole elimination challenge to stay was a little harsh/unfair, I recognize that beggars can't be choosers. I was just glad that he got a second shot, and even though he lost, it wasn't because of a bad dish. The judges actually loved his work, and he got nothing but compliments - it just didn't happen to be as good as Carla's, that's all. That's a much more positive note to end on, and you can tell that Jeff can actually live with that, unlike his first dismissal. The good job he did also injected suspense to the show, because for a while, I thought that he might actually make it as the top dog. That would be a legendary comeback, as he'd even win a fucking car to boot! Whew, as I said, though - it's okay.

I have to give it to Carla, though - she's making quite the comeback herself and surprising everyone. When she first mentioned that she was gonna be doing her alcohol-free spritzer, I was like, "Get the fuck outta here". That combined with her oyster-shucking shenanigans convinced me she was gonna fall on her face this challenge, but I was proven wrong. Too bad, though, as that probably would've meant that the final three would've been Jeff, Stefan, and Hosea. Speaking of the drinks, am I the only one who thought it was a little insensitive of Hosea to make a Hurricane for the New Orleans challenge?

Stefan is getting a little overconfident. He really shouldn't be fucking around with Hosea and taking smoke breaks during his down time. Jeff is right - at this stage in the game, every second of your time should be dedicated to making sure your food is perfect. And I'm surprised that he didn't actually make his own sausage, considering what a good chef he is. Jeff did, after all, and even called him out on it at judge's table (if you're waiting for me to stop swinging on this guy's nuts, don't hold your breath). I was even a little shocked that Fabio got eliminated instead of him. It seemed like his dishes were really close to being great and just missed the mark. Stefan's food, on the other hand, seemed like it actually had more wrong with it (Fabio is also this season's golden boy, who they'd only get rid of if they had to). I know that Stefan has proven that he's probably the best multiple times this season, but I thought that since we're at the finals, he was out of "get out of jail free" cards. Maybe that's naive, though. The judges probably decided that unless Stefan served them poison, he would make it to the top 3. They also need that "villain" dynamic for the final episode, as well (like Lisa mysteriously making it in season 4). I mean, if it was Hosea vs. Fabio vs. Carla, there would be no one for audiences to root against, thereby reducing the suspense/tension. So with that in mind, I guess Fabio's fate was sealed after all.

Oh, I also forgot to mention the other best part of this episode: the absence of Toby Young! Like I said, I never actually thought I'd be happy to see Gail, but there you have it. I loved that there wasn't one word of explanation as to why he wasn't there - what's the point? Explaining would imply that the chefs and viewers at home actually give a shit, which we know isn't the case. So long, asshole!

Also, I wanna mention that the judges in their Mardi Gras/parade outfits was a little corny, and that Padma was absolutely spilling out of her dress. Not that that's a bad thing.

- Jeff S.

Trailer Spotlight #1: The Good, The Bad, The Weird

2009-02-18T15:49:00.004-05:00

As I expressed in my Top Five Film Trailers List, I have a minor obsession with movie previews. Successfully cutting a trailer is a difficult task in itself, and I think properly executed ones can independently stand on their own legs as respectable works of art - sometimes even outshining the actual film that they're promoting. That being said, this new segment on the blog is dedicated to exhibiting particularly well-made film trailers. The flicks they're advertising could be from the past, present, or future - anything goes! And now, on to the first spotlight...

It's not like I don't want to be entertained by Western action (I say that meaning geographically, not the actual genre of westerns). I really do. Unfortunately, it's stuff like this and Ong-Bak that truly makes it an impossibility, as they've simply spoiled me beyond belief. To say that the action exhibited in this trailer blows that of Western films out of the water is the understatement of the year, and I simply can't go back to stuff like Die Hard, True Lies, or Rambo after watching it. I'm sorry, it's not gonna happen - hard to enjoy prison food if I've tasted steak and lobster.

Put simply, The Good, The Bad, The Weird looks like the best fucking time you're gonna have at the movies. The action and camerawork speak for themselves (highlights are 1:09-1:18, as well as the shot starting at 1:24), but it's the reteaming of director Ji-woon Kim and actor Byung-hun Lee that adds to my personal excitement, as they blew me out of the way with 2005's A Bittersweet Life (Lee, now sporting a surprisingly gangster mustache, is the dude in black standing in front of the train's path). Word on the street is that the DVD for this recently dropped, so it might just have to get snagged when I visit New York in March - gotta love Chinatown.

- Jeff S.

Bottoms Up News #1: New project

2009-02-16T14:47:00.006-05:00

Just wanted to throw everyone an official update on what's been going on here at Bottoms Up Productions (besides random clip postings and online tantrums). I'm happy to say that I finished the rough draft of my latest script a few days ago. I've had the story loosely outlined for a little while now, but as the past couple of months have been a little on the hectic side (moving, additional duties at work, and so on), I just now got around to writing it. I'm not gonna lie, though - my procrastination definitely played a part, as did my naturally slow writing pace, but at least those weren't the only reasons. The point is that it's done, and I'm pretty excited.

I'm mostly pleased with what I've got. This project is a lil different from my previous works, but in a good way, as I specifically tried to avoid certain habits and patterns I've been noticing. For instance, I wanted this film to seem less "patchwork" than my other stuff and flow more as its own strong, independent story (keeping flashbacks/cutaways to a minimum). Also, as I was writing it, I found the tone to be surprisingly somber - moreso than I initially thought it would be. Don't worry, though - I still intend to keep the procedings relatively light-hearted, as I don't think I'm at the point of taking myself that seriously yet. Just like when I was forced to write "deep" poetry my senior year of high school - although it came from me, the whole experience still felt painfully unnatural. I guess at the end of the day, you could call this a dark comedy. With a bitchin' soundtrack (not quite ready to give up that trend I've been following, haha).

The scary thing about this project, however, is the timing of it all. Many shots are kind of dependent on winter weather (preferably the really lousy kind), so I kind of need to get the ball rolling on this ASAP. I'm hoping that my usual ragtime crew of friends is down for being cast, as there are some scenes that should be a lot of fun to shoot (despite the dreary plot).

I'll keep you posted on all news regarding this baby, so check back frequently for updates. Who's ready to make a motherfucking movie?!

- Jeff S.

Inglourious Basterds - Quick trailer impressions

2009-02-12T14:27:00.005-05:00

The first official trailer for Quentin Tarantino's epic, long-talked-about World War II film appeared online today, and while I don't have the time right now to do completely disect/critique it, I do feel compelled to rant on a couple of points. Watch it for yourself before continuing on.

First of all: meh. If I see Inglourious Basterds in the theater at all, it'll be out of sheer, morbid curiousity and nothing else, as I'm getting the spider-sense that it'll just irritate more than impress. Mainly what I wanted to express, however, is my contempt for the advertising regarding Tarantino's work. I don't really know who to point the finger at here - maybe Tarantino himself, maybe the studio, maybe both. Regardless, the issue remains: Why do the trailers for his recent flicks (specifically this and Kill Bill) feel the need to splash his name around in the most obnoxious and conceited way possible? For instance, both trailers for Kill Bill: Volume One (making it obvious that this declaration was a calculated advertising strategy), slowly reveal that it is "The 4th Film...By Quentin Tarantino". Now, I wouldn't have had a problem if they just put his name up there - after all, it is his flick, and he does have a legitimate/substantial fan base. Makes sense. But I'm sorry, I find it really hard to forgive the egotistical placement of "The 4th Film". While it may seem like I'm quibbling over minor details here, I assure you that the way in which they did it is implies something ten times more arrogant: that Tarantino's flicks (and the exact number of them) are imprinted on the consciousness of moviegoers everywhere, as if they have been counting down until the very day that he finally graces us with another one of his sacred works. Like when a film of his comes out, it's not just a movie dropping - it's an event. One that will forever be etched into the history of cinema, changing the way us naive audience members think about not only film itself, but the very definition of "good". Perhaps you think that I'm overreacting, that this is a bit much for just two seconds of a trailer. What supports this argument, however, is the Tarantino press that I've viewed. He has repeatedly stated something to the effect of, "I only take a long time in between each film because when I do a movie, it's a big deal. Like, mind-blowingly big, and momentous events like that can't just fall out of the sky, premiering every year or two. They take forever to percolate and produce because they're so unbelievably awesome, so when they finally do drop, it's totally worth the wait." Tarantino has even said something like he might only do a couple more films and then retire, which would be completely satisfying to him, for the sheer genius and brilliance of each one would justifiy the limited number he has under his belt. Now, in many categories, no one prefers the "quality over quantity" method than me, and I would agree with the man if I truly thought he was "changing cinema" (which he has stated). However, the fact of the matter is that he hasn't done so in a very long time, and I think the public is starting to realize this. The only one who buys into that egotistical nonsense is Tarantino himself. What's even worse is that he even tries to justify it when a film of his blatantly underperforms and underimpresses (don't think those are actual words, but you get what I'm trying to say). For instance, when 1997's Jackie Brown failed to leave viewers at a loss for words (like Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction did), he actually stated something to the effect of "I didn't blow our minds with that because I didn't want to. I'll blow your minds with the next thing." He, of course, was referring to 2003's Kill Bill, and guess what? You didn't blow my mind. You didn't blow a lot of people's minds, and all it did was make me wanna go home and throw on a real kung-fu movie, like Mystery of Chessboxing (which probably had 1/100th of Kill Bill's budget, but fuck it, this is already disgressing all over the place). So do you see what Tarantino is saying with this? More or less, it's that as such an undeniable genius, he has the power to blow our fragile little minds away any time he chooses. Sometimes he decides to, and sometimes he doesn't (gee, isn't that convenient for when a movie of his sucks beyond belief - "it's because he didn't intend for it to be great, don't you see???"). So what I'm saying is that it's this mindset of his (that I barely have to read into - it's painfully obvious whenever he talks about his work) that fuels my anger at his recent movie trailers. As I was watching the recent one for Inglourious Basterds, I just knew that something similar to the aforementioned Kill Bill credit would appear, especially after the "You haven't seen war..." bit. All right, here we go..........there it is!

"...until you've seen it through the eyes...of QUENTIN TARANTINO"

His name simply doesn't mean what it did in the past, and as I previously stated, I think the public is finally starting to wake up and realize it. Not that the trailer doesn't try its darndest, though - "Ohh, look at the blood-splashed credits! Remember how you loved the violence in Tarantino's earlier flicks? Get ready for more of that exact same enjoyment! It's not manufactured or played out whatsover!"

I'm sorry - I do realize that I kind of used the debut of the Inglourious Basterds trailer as a springboard to talk my usual shit about QT, but if it's any consolation, I assure you that it was unintentional.

One footnote: Is any else as annoyed as I am by Eli Roth's appearence in anything (whether it's a Tarantino flick or Bravo's "100 Scariest Movies" countdown)? I can't put my finger on it, but something about his face instantly pisses me off. Besides, his scheming, jager-loving role in Death Proof cemented my opinion that he should never be allowed in front of the camera again (and arguably behind, as well, but one step at a time).

- Jeff S.

Top Chef Afterthoughts: Le Bernardin

2009-02-10T02:36:00.003-05:00

Choice Clip #3: A Bronx Tale

2009-02-06T16:42:00.003-05:00

This clip is from A Bronx Tale, Robert De Niro's 1993 directorial debut. A little plot background to set things up: The film is set in 1960s New York City. Calogero (played by the now-incarcerated Lillo Brancato Jr.) has grown up around two father figures with opposite lifestyles - Lorenzo, his law biding actual father (played by Robert De Niro), and Sonny, the local Mafia boss (played by Chazz Palminteri). This scene begins with Calogero asking Sonny for advice about the interracial relationship he's pursuing. He is sure of what he wants, but reluctant because of what his bigoted friends will think. What follows is Sonny schooling Calogero in one of life's most valuable lessons: That most of your "friends" fucking suck and at the end of the day, in more ways than one, nobody motherfucking cares. It's a harsh, but ultimately rewarding code to live by. Sonny also treats Calogero (and us viewers) to the ultimate test in determining a woman's true nature - take notes, everyone...

When most people talk about the greatest mob movies out there, it's absolutely criminal that A Bronx Tale goes unmentioned. To say the film is underrated is putting it lightly - see it. The clip below is even better in context.

- Jeff S.

P.S. I apologize about the subtitles, but this was the best version of the scene I could find.

Top Five: Guilty Pleasures

2009-02-02T16:35:00.005-05:00

NOTE: This list was originally written at least a couple years ago. Although the picks remain the same, I'd like to think my writing has slightly improved since then, so just keep that in mind while reading.

Ah, cinematic guilty pleasures – everybody has them, there’s no point in denying it. They’re the kind of movies that stop you dead in your tracks while channel-surfing, regardless of how many times you’ve seen them. It doesn’t matter if they’re not particularly good movies, either – they sink their claws into you, bringing whatever you were doing to a screeching halt. This might mean going to sleep extra late, delaying some plans, dropping them altogether, or attempting to multitask as you watch, which ultimately proves futile for me (while watching these films, my schoolwork got done at such a snail’s pace that it was thoroughly pointless even trying). As I said, everybody has these guilty pleasures, and here are my top five. I hope none of them come on TV as I’m writing this list – it just might not get finished.

5: The Craft

Someone hit this broad. Hard.
I remember when The Craft first came out – girls from my elementary/middle school flocking to theaters by the bunch to witness catty, gothic teenagers fuck up each other’s lives (an ensnaring parallel to their own lives, just without the powers). I never caught it back then myself, so I think the frenzy and popularity that I remember surrounding it in the mid-90s is what keeps me coming back whenever it happens to be on TV (ooh, pointless nostalgia!). The supernatural elements in a realistic, high school setting are initially entertaining, but it’s eventually the little things that end up making it watchable (since the movie as a whole isn’t very good).

First of all, there’s the thoroughly over-the-top and irritating performance of Fairuza Balk as Nancy. The bitch needs to get slapped the entire movie, so it is admittedly satisfying when she gets slammed into a wall or something near the end (sorry, its been a while). The protagonist Sarah (played by Robin Tunney) also looks a great deal like Alicia Silverstone, which made me do a double-take the first time I saw her. There are also some notable people in bit parts, like Travis from Clueless as some random jerk and Melody from Nickelodeon’s Hey Dude as the girl whose hair falls out (married to Mr. Ben Stiller now). All of this and more makes it the embarrassing kick-off to my guilty pleasures list – truly a movie that I love to hate. By the way, I never saw it, but that 2006 movie The Covenant looked suspiciously like The Craft for dudes. Am I right?

4: You've Got Mail

"ORANGE you going to let me in?" Don't fuck with Tom Hanks' game.
Blaugh, You’ve Got Mail – I can’t remember how many times I’ve caught this while channel-surfing, groaned…and then set down the remote. I don’t know - I think that in the end, it’s just a very easy film to watch, despite it containing several cinematic clichés that I personally frown upon. First of all, it cheerfully romanticizes blatant infidelity, even though there’s nothing particularly "wrong" with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan’s current partners, save for a few annoying quirks. Watching Ryan prance around in her pajamas, waiting for her boyfriend to leave the apartment so she can secretly talk to Hanks online (all to bouncy, playful music) convinces viewers that this sort of dishonesty is perfectly ok, which is slightly fucked up. I know the movie’s saying that if people aren’t compatible, then they shouldn’t be together, and blah blah blah – I just can’t help but cock an eyebrow when it, in not so many words, says that cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend is both cutesy and fun. The movie also follows the convention of having the protagonist ditch their shallow, business-minded, dark-haired partner for the penniless blonde who has an authentic understanding of life. This shit has been done to death in movies (Titanic, Twister), and sadly, You’ve Got Mail is no exception. Hanks’ smug performance is also somewhat irksome, if only because of a feeling I have that the actor himself actually thinks he’s this “charming” in real life (note the scene in the grocery checkout line – swoon). Why watch then? Fuck it - the film is entertaining on a superficial level. The New York setting is also a definite plus (my brother says he has been to every place Hanks and Ryan go to in the movie), and Dave Chappelle’s random appearance as Hanks’ friend seals the deal on You’ve Got Mail being my #4 guilty pleasure. Do get over it.

3: Save the Last Dance

She'll always be milk.
Oh, shit – where to get started on Save the Last Dance. I don’t even really like this fucking movie. Not that it’s terrible or anything – it’s just mystifying that a film of such average quality has the ability to capture my attention the way that it does. This movie’s plethora of unintentionally funny moments, scenes, and lines (seriously, the script is a fucking joke) has made it the butt of about a million private jokes between me and my sister. First off, there’s the lingo used by the various kids: Am I the only one who finds it hysterical that Sara (played by Julia Stiles) is immediately ostracized for using the word “cool” and then swiftly corrected by her hip friend, instructing her to say “slammin’”? What the fuck – I can't even begin to remember the last time I've heard someone say “slammin’” in a serious context (but then again, maybe I'm just as white bread as Julia Stiles). And yeah, “cool” has really gone out of style…I don’t know what Sara was thinking. What a fucking square.

There’s also a moment in the movie when, after dancing with Derek (played by Sean Patrick Thomas), Sara is maliciously referred to as “milk”. It deeply hurts her feelings, which I just found amusing, as I probably would have cracked up at the vernacular of this jerk’s “insult” (“Um, did you just call me ‘milk’...?”). In addition to this fun lesson in slang is the obvious stunt double for the scenes where Sara dances ballet. Whenever you can see Stiles’ face, her legs are never shown – they conveniently cut to a close-up whenever a quasi-difficult move is performed, such as standing completely on the toes. Also, the few shots that do feature Sara’s entire body always happen to be from behind or at such a distance where the stunt double’s face wouldn’t matter. I’ve heard that Stiles actually performed all the dancing in the final cut of the movie herself, but I simply can’t believe it to be true – if this was the case, why the fuck were the dancing scenes shot in a way that almost begs viewers to think otherwise?

So all of this combined with the annoying Julliard judges (“Are you ready NOW?”), endless bad quotes (“it’s country and you look country in it!”), and A Bronx Tale-esque ending (The car with Derek’s loser friends ends up getting firebombed – the movie pussies out by having them live, though) makes Save the Last Dance quite the guilty pleasure. Fun fact: Sean Patrick Thomas is actually 11 years older than Julia Stiles, despite them being in the same grade in the movie. Crazy!

2: Selena

Props to Lopez for taking the backseat, actually letting us hear the REAL Selena - what a concept...
It’s easy to know why Selena is such a guilty pleasure – I saw it about four billion times growing up through free Cinemax (which was ultimately cut off – drag) and my Spanish teacher freshman year of high school. I have an embarrassing amount of lines memorized, but this isn’t as shameful as some of the other entries on this list – Selena is assuredly the most quality of the bunch and easily where you can see Jennifer Lopez at her most smokin’ (I’m very hot and cold with her – she doesn’t do it for me in most of her other films). It also gets major props for being one of the few musical biopics that feature the talent of the actual deceased – all the songs in the film are straight from Selena Quintanilla-Perez herself. For once, it’s not about ass-kissing the actor who shows off their pipes (Oh my God, she sounds just like her!). The movie’s about honoring Selena, right? Don’t you think we should get to hear her voice over something other than the end credits?

Selena isn’t perfect, though. For instance, the acting of the young Selena (played by Rebecca Lee Meza) is laughably bad - gotta love it when her voice cracks (“From your heart!”). Also, Jon Seda’s dramatic chops rival those of a brick wall, giving the scenes between Chris and Selena an unintentional shot of humor. However, Edward James Olmos’ performance as Abraham more than makes up for it – he explodes several times in the film, laying it down in a way that's consistently entertaining. So overall, I probably shouldn’t know this movie as well as I do, but hey, at least it's a halfway decent film. I’m sure the next time it comes on VH1 or whatever, I’ll be parked in my usual seat, delaying what plans I may have initially had – anything for Salinasssssss!

1: Mrs. Doubtfire

Unfortunately, this led to FOX's "Ask Harriet" (a cookie for whoever remembers THAT garbage).
There’s a reason that this damn movie is on all the time, regardless of the network (Fox, ABC Family, TBS, and so on). Its humorous, easy-to-digest, feel-good nature just grabs viewers, making the film particularly accessible to damn near anybody. That explains why the Sunday night movie that aired after September 11th was changed from Independence Day to Mrs. Doubtfire – people understandably didn’t feel like seeing New York skyscrapers explode just days after the towers’ destruction. The switch makes sense, as it’s sort of hard to find something to complain about or offensive when it comes to Mrs. Doubtfire. This doesn’t mean that it’s perfect – far from it, actually. It just means that it possesses that certain quality that keeps audiences coming back for more, even long after the mildly amusing scenes have worn out their welcome.

The movie is standard Robin Williams fare, which is definitely entertaining and a showcase for his talent, but probably won’t do much for you if you're not into his overall style in the first place (lots of impersonations, voices, and so on). So while I think he’s real good, I’m finding myself more and more vexed by the performances of Sally Field and Mara Wilson. The former’s acting is all right, I suppose, but there are little moments throughout the film that either annoy the piss out of me (“The whole time???”) or cause my eyes to roll uncontrollably – her jaw literally dropping in awe at the sight of a nicely set dinner table, for instance. It’s nice, for sure, but damn – let’s not go fucking nuts. Wilson also tries a little too hard at being “cute”, as her prominent lisp, huge eyes, and whiny demeanor eventually just make me want to vomit instead of marvel at the sugary sweetness of the performance - it's just laid on a bit too thick. There are also a few slow parts that drag everything down (Williams playing with the dinosaur toys is easily the “go to the bathroom/get a snack” part of the film), but I was both surprised and delighted that the movie didn’t punk out and have the parents get back together at the end – a little realism here and there can make all the difference in the world, particularly within comedic romps such as this. So in the end, Mrs. Doubtfire is my #1 guilty pleasure, mostly due to the ludicrous number of times I’ve seen the entire film without even really trying – that’s gotta be saying something.

- Jeff S.

P.S. Definitely feel free to comment, leaving your own guilty pleasures down. Come on, I opened up - now it's your turn!!!

Top Chef Afterthoughts: Super Bowl Chef Showdown

2009-01-30T14:39:00.008-05:00

The following is my thoughts on the latest episode of Top Chef, the Bravo television show that has become my latest addiction. Needless to say, it contains spoilers, so do not read any further unless you have seen the episode (or if you just don't give a shit). For those who don't watch or care about Top Chef, you probably won't find anything too entertaining here - just scroll down to my other previous posts and catch up on any you may have missed.

I'm just gonna say it: this elimination challenge really didn't sit right with me. I had this feeling throughout the episode and I couldn't really put my finger on why, but after a little thought, it came to me. The very premise of it was flawed from the beginning, as the contestants on this season were not competing amongst themselves. Think about it: the chefs are going to stay or be eliminated - not because of their superiority or inferiority over each other, but because of whether they're better or worse than some irrelevent third party (who isn't, in any way, involved in the actual competition). This contest is supposed to be about who is top chef among the crew that was assembled. Therefore, chefs being eliminated because of someone who isn't a fellow cast member makes no sense, as the actual competitors were simply not pitted against one another. So Carla manages to get more points than her opponent and Fabio doesn't. Seeing as each of them was cooking against an entirely different person, I don't know how the conclusion is drawn that Fabio is the inferior chef. But despite this argument, there he was, about to be eliminated while Carla wins the whole thing. Again, it makes no sense. And also, what would happen if the season 5 crew beat all their competitors? No one would go home? Bullshit. There had to have been some behind-the-scenes producer politics going on. Now, let's say that Stefan was the only one who got less points and everyone else got more (this was the case at first, until Fabio and Jeff "lost"). So that means Stefan (who, up to this point, is considered the best chef and a clear favorite to win) just goes home, as simple as that? He goes home, despite the fact that the challenge in which he was eliminated had nothing to do with his fellow competitors demonstrating superior skill? Maybe if everyone competed against the same third party (a badass like Hung or Richard Blais, for instance), but that wasn't the case. Who won and who lost (resulting in being on the chopping block) just seemed so flimsy, arbitrary, and more than anything - unjust. This idea was so flawed in concept that I'm convinced it was only greenlit so Padma could prance around in a referee jersey.

And speaking of unjust, I simply have to express my anger and sadness at Jeff being eliminated. I just knew he was the one going home the second that he failed to get enough points. Stefan has shown too much skill at this point to be so cavalierly tossed aside, and Fabio is this season's "Golden Boy", as Jeff put it (in this week's online-only "sequester house" video). That left him, unfortunately, and I have the feeling that Tom has been itching to get rid of him for a while now, anyway (from watching earlier episodes and reading his blog - dude's a ridiculous hater). It really doesn't make a lot of sense, either, as Jeff attempts to explain on the episode. He and his competitor made ceviche, a traditionally cold dish. Despite Jeff's being that way and his opponent's being hot (therefore, disqualifying it as a ceviche at all), his was labeled "less authentic". You could tell Jeff knew how bullshit this was ("Oh, wow...", he openly exclaimed), as he's usually pretty reserved and dignified, even when taking criticism. This was even more apparent at the judges' table, when he was particularly vocal about defending his dish, trying to break it down for everyone - basically, he was politely saying to the judges, "Are you out of your fucking minds? How could hers be more authentic...?" This is actually pretty ironic, as Jeff is usually criticized for thinking outside the box too much with his out-of-control creativity (kinda like a more skilled verision of Eugene). Now here he is, going home for a dish that was actually made more traditionally than his opponent's "reinvention". My heart goes out to the guy, and I feel what he's saying - he did 19 more things with his dish than his competitor did, put in about 100x more work, effort, thought, and so on...and still lost. While I understand that it does all come down to flavor in the end, I get Jeff's frustration at not having his hard work rewarded or even acknowledged (especially when compared to something that looks like it was just slopped onto the plate). One of the biggest reasons I feel bad for him, though, is because I just think he's different in the way he thinks about food and in his overall palette - it's what axed him in the end. I don't mean "different" in the sense that he simply doesn't understand the fundamentals about cooking and flavors (like Danny, who was eliminated earlier on). I mean it in a way that's just as valid as everyone else's...yet different. Unfortunately, when you're the minority in this way of thinking and all the judges are on the opposite side, you might be in trouble. He even said that he thought his dish was perfect (and that everyone in his restaurant orders it all the time and loves it), further leading me to believe that his downfall was due to this difference in mindset...not lack of skill. As I stated in an earlier post, I really was hoping to see Jeff win at least one challenge before going, and it's too bad the challenge that actually sent him home was so unfair and ridiculous to begin with. I highly recommend watching his two-part exit interview (on bravotv.com/topchef) - it's very interesting, as Jeff is clearly upset with the call that was made and rightfully suspicious about the circumstances that put him on the chopping block (thinking that the show wanted at least three up there, and so on). Give that and the aforementioned "sequester house" bit a look.

You were robbed, Jeff. Keep those sorbets coming!
Another frustrating part of this episode is that the "all star" chefs they got to return weren't even that great. Maybe having Hung, Richard Blais, Stephanie, or whoever on would be unfair, as they'd probably blow season 5 out of the water, but come on - Andrew (always having to be "on"), Spike (hat in tow, so viewers know who the fuck he is), Nikki (who can make pasta, but not mayonnaise)? Lame.

I think it's funny that now the judges and everyone makes jokes about the "love" that Carla puts into her food. Ha ha, it's all nice and cute until that's her actual defense when serving bad food...

I liked Stefan's confidence in the stew room - he knew there was no chance in hell that he was going home over something so stupid, especially after how good he has been all season. Again, it's a true shame about Jeff leaving, as I felt he really wanted this, even moreso than some of the other contestants (Leah for sure, but also Jamie, who even uttered, "I don't care" when screwing up in the kitchen). It was all because of the lame superbowl gimmick, which definitely should've been limited to the quickfire - not the elimination challenge. If there's another silly setup that unjustly places three of the chefs in the bottom, the producers might be in trouble - from what I've read online, people are not happy with this week's call.

I'm glad Toby Young cooled it with his quips this time around. Still, does he always have to scowl, even when being introduced? We get it, you're a dick.

Ah, almost forgot: another frustrating element of this challenge was the influence that the students in the audience had - their stupid, foam-finger votes had a serious effect on the outcome of this episode. It should have been a secret vote (with paper or something), so none of these twits would be influenced by their peers to vote a certain way. There were all these timid finger raises, which proved this was such a horrible way to go about it. I mean, Jeff's life could've completely changed for the better if some girl weren't concerned with looking like the odd-person-out. Think about it.

- Jeff S.

Top Chef Afterthoughts: Restaurant Wars

2009-01-24T21:40:00.012-05:00

Not the best picture to show it, but Leah kinda looks like a fish.
Now let me talk about Stefan for a minute: The dude is an arrogant jerk and control freak, not the least bit interested in any opinion or input but his own. That being said, he is also smart. He simply knows what the hell he's doing, which, in my opinion, justifies his somewhat questionable behavior/attitude. Sure, he doesn't need to be an asshole when talking to people, but his overall reasons for acting like such a know-it-all aren't unfounded, and I admit that it gives him a little pass. A perfect example is what happened in this episode: the freezers sucked and it was fucking up both his and Carla's desserts. He quickly processed the circumstances and then swiftly, with a cool head, made creative adjustments that made his dishes the big hit of the night. They were assuredly his team's saving grace, as they can't lean solely on Fabio's swagger to make up for three horrible courses. As I said, this gives Stefan the right to be a little bit of a dick - it comes from someone who's consistently right. The other chefs should set their personal issues with him aside and recognize his talent - it'll probably help them at the end of the day (for instance, Radhika was a fool not to choose Stefan for her team. It bit her in the ass, because he was a major factor in the other team winning/her going home). Now, compare Stefan's dessert success with what happened to Carla. The bad freezers screwed her over completely, and she was flat-out unable to cope with the problem (you'd think she would've been able to - she does desserts/pastries in damn near every episode). This, right there, demonstrates Stefan's superiority as a chef - I think he's officially my new pick for who I think is gonna win it all (sorry, Fabio - you've been slipping up as of late).

Yep. Jeff's the shit.
Let's talk about the other team a little bit: I just wanna start off by saying that Jeff is the man. He comes off as truly talented, knowledgeable, passionate, and hard-working. It's not that the other chefs don't have these qualities (many of them do) - it's just that Jeff possesses them in a very reserved, dignified, and understated way that sets him apart. He seems to put forth a lot more effort than his competitors (truly trying to impress the judges, not just squeak by), which sometimes works against him, considering the harsh restraints of some of the challenges - it's comendable all the same, though. He strikes me as a natural leader - one who, without having to be asked, steps up to the plate to organize and get shit done when things are in disarray (and in an admirable way, unlike Stefan). It kills me that he hasn't won any challenges yet, despite coming very close, but the class he shows in the face of it all is another testament to his character. Compare him to Jamie, who openly/loudly acts disgruntled and entitled whenver she comes close to winning (even saying "Finally...!" more than once at her first, and probably last, elimination win). At the end of the day, Jeff has probably come just as close just as many times as her, but the difference is that he doesn't break out a bullhorn and advertise his frustration to the rest of the group every time it doesn't go his way. As I said...class. I'm really rooting for him, and while I certainly don't expect him to take the whole cake, it'd be nice to see him win just once before packing his knives.

Now that that's out of the way, there were some good moments regarding those two in this episode - Jamie's remark about how Jeff's overthinking style is no good was annoying, especially coming from her. I actually caught a few back episodes and noticed her seeming annoyed/bewildered at how much Jeff had going on in the kitchen (as far as prep, and so on) - she needs to quit hating and recognize that some people like to make more than just one thing (scallops, anyone...?). In all fairness, however, I will say that Jeff's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree at Carla's mention of doing a sorbet (I swear that he has made about 200 of those this season, haha). Their team should also give Jeff due props for finding the lamb (frozen, but so what) at the store - Jamie was ready to throw the whole idea out the window. I also dug how Jeff absolutely refused to work in the front-of-house position - despite his pretty-boy exterior, he's proving that he's a straight kitchen dude, through and through. I think what their team should have done is put Carla in the front - she's easily has the most energy, is constantly grinning ear-to-ear, and so on (it's actually pretty annoying, but it could have worked to everyone's advantage in this challenge). Also, her inability to handle unexpected circumstances really hurt them in the end - her desserts sucked pretty badly. I, personally, don't think that the "leader" of the restaurant should ever choose the front-of-house position. Sure, it's "Restaurant Wars", but at the end of the day, it's about the motherfucking food. They need to oversee how everything is going down in the actual kitchen, and it seems that Radhika's complete lack of drive is why she chose the position that she did. It's kind of funny, actually - being so intimidated by her leadership role, she thought she could stay up front (away from the pressure) and minimize the risk of going home. Oops - that cowardly bullshit screwed her in the end, as her shitty service (emphasized even more by how well Fabio did) is precisely what made their team lose, despite them making superior food.

This leads to the judges' actual decision on who won, which I'm still on the fence about. I mean, part of me thinks that it's bullshit - the show is Top Chef, and if one team produces better food, then they should win. Simple. Yes, I'm aware of the importance of service, how to organize, and all those details, but still - the show is about proving who's the best cook, not necessarily who's the best at running a business. On the other hand, though, like I said - "Leader" Radhika picking to be in front, doing a horrible job at the little work expected of her, and having Jamie (whose assertive nature would have assuredly made her a better captain) damn near run the whole show in the kitchen warrants some sort of punishment. Her actions were a bullshit copout, proving just how "done" she was. I think Tom mentioned something about her lack of stamina, and I couldn't agree more - if a contestant really is that out of it, what's the point of even keeping them around? Does she have the heart to be Top Chef? Does she even care? It sure didn't seem like it to me. So this coupled with the lousy performance she gave did seem like a good opportunity to just get her out of the way (might as well weed out the chumps and make room for players with actual drive/talent). Still, they did make better food, and I think you could make the same "lack-of-drive" criticisms about Leah, so perhaps she should have been the one to go (I think you could've made a case for her leaving instead of Ariane in the previous episode - methinks she was kept around by the producers to milk the drama with Hosea).

She was done before this challenge even began - it was just a matter of time.

Some things that the guest judge said (regarding running a restaurant and so on) reminded me of my own front-of-house restaurant job - specifically him mentioning that, as an owner, you have to assume that nobody is going to do their job properly. That's exactly how my superiors act - as if everyone they've hired will fuck up what they're supposed to do, so they can't take their eyes off anything, not for a split second. It's a zero trust policy, and maybe it does make for better business, but it also results in mucho stress (not to mention a brewing hatred from the entire staff). Speaking of the judges, I'm so glad they reacted the way they did to Carla's defense of her performance (looking at her like she's high). I'm with them all the way...is she out of her fucking mind? I mean, I don't really know what to say here. Gee, I appreciate the love you sent out with my crappy food, but if I had to pick, I'd rather have something awesome that's infused with hate. Props for having a positive attitude, but if you fuck up my dinner, don't use it as an excuse. She came off as completely insane and the judge was right - I'd totally fire her for saying that stupid shit to me ("That is my belief, Tom!!!").

And sigh, Toby Young continuted his usual shtick of spouting Simon Cowell-esque one-liners as he tasted the food. I'd almost forgotten about how annoying he was on the last couple episodes when I got a swift and unfortunate reminder ("Tastes like dishwater" - how long you been saving that one, Toby?). The most annoying thing is that Tom, Padma, and the other judges seem genuinely amused by his preconceived zingers. It always seems like he thinks of them prior to shooting, commits them to memory, then patiently waits for a dish he doesn't like to startle the table with his "sharp" wit - how biting!

Gee, I never thought I'd actually miss Gail Simmons.

Whew, I guess that's it for this week. If I do post on episodes in the future, I'll try to make the entries a bit shorter. With that said, comment and discuss!

- Jeff S.

Choice Clip #2: 25th Hour

2009-01-22T20:27:00.007-05:00

One of the more memorable scenes from 25th Hour, a solid Spike Lee flick that most didn't check out during its theatrical run (although it's now a lot of white people's favorite Spike Lee film - probably because it has the least to do with race, but I digress). Something noteworthy that should be mentioned is that 25th Hour was one of the first movies to truly acknowledge the aftermath of the September 11th terrorist attacks. Considering the present-day NYC setting and the fact that it was being released so soon after, the filmmakers felt that it would be somewhat irresponsible to look the other way and simply pretend that it didn't happen (I agree). They actually were able to work it to the film's advantage, weaving the tragedy in and out of scenes while having its dark presence loom overheard throughout the duration (appropriate, considering the melancholy plot). It's a very thought-out, well made film.

Anyway, some basic story info to set up this clip: Monty Brogan (played by Edward Norton) is on his last day of freedom before starting a seven year jail sentence for drug dealing. This scene starts when he takes a moment during a restroom break to slander the entire city of New York and each and every one of its inhabitants. It's a powerful, impeccably edited sequence, to say the least (it also recalls a similar, albeit more simple scene from Lee's Do the Right Thing - check it below, just for shits).

The scene gets particularly strong towards the end - Norton even points the finger at his closest friends and family, and the horns peaking around 4:38 gives me chills every time. Brilliantly capturing the essence of New York with an emotional punch, this sequence never fails to impress. A standout part of a standout film.

- Jeff S.

INTERESTING.

2009-01-22T04:12:00.004-05:00

I'm completely torn on my feelings towards the American public. The same week that president-elect Barack Obama is inaugurated, Paul Blart: Mall Cop makes over 39 million in the box office, greatly helping to set a new box office record for MLK weekend (perhaps this was our way of celebrating the procedings, I don't know). I know that I should stop bitching about such petty nonsense and take solace in knowing that we got the BIG shit right, but it's simply hard to ignore the fact that the aforementioned schlock brought in more dough in its opening weekend than most Spike Lee films do in their entire runs (Clockers, Bamboozled, and Do the Right Thing, being just a few examples).

I'm not trying to be on Lee's jock too much (not everything he does is quality, although I can't deny that he's one of my favorite directors), I'm just using him as an example to illustrate why I'm so frustrated. The truth is that this goes beyond him - for instance, because Grindhouse made back less than half its budget, we're probably not gonna be seeing that kind of unbridled creativity from actual artists anytime soon. This weekend's numbers, however, are sure to open the floodgates for unfunny comedians doing pratfalls. The people have spoken, and it boils the fucking blood.

P.S. I'm aware that this is a tired, age-old struggle in the realm of cinema, and it can be represented by any number of examples (2007's Wild Hogs, for instance). That being said, I'm sorry if I bored you with a subject you've assuredly heard me rant about before (I'm not foolish enough to think that anyone but family/friends reads this blog on the regular). But a late-night imdb check brought these numbers to my attention and something had to be said. Seeing as I live by myself with no pets (eh, like a fish would wanna listen to my raving, anyway), this was my next best option.

- Jeff S.

Top Five: Film Trailers

2009-01-20T16:57:00.001-05:00

Marketing for movies is always something I've been fascinated by, particularly when it comes to trailers. I always try and arrive early enough to catch them when going to a theater, and it's consistently interesting to see how the filmmaker/studio/whoever attempts to sell their product. What type of jokes do they show, what specific demographic do they appear to be catering to, and so on. It's just amusing to see which strategies are put to use when compelling audiences to flock to the theater. The decisions on which ones to employ can often be crucial, at least to me. There are some films, of course, that I will see regardless of the marketing (due to an obsession with a particular director, cast combination, or whatever), but there are others that hinge solely upon the trailer. The slightest of changes can be the deciding factor in whether I go to the theater or not, as ticket prices nowadays are so out of control that I must rigorously pick and choose which films are worthy of my hard-earned cash. It certainly isn't the good old days – back then, I could see movies on a whim, based on little more than a "hmm, that looks interesting." Now I have to meticulously plan out the various movie seasons - choosing what to see, what not to see, leaving myself little room for diversion.

This obsession I have with trailers also fuels my rage at the current trend of excluding them from DVDs. What used to be a standard, almost expected bonus feature has become passé, since almost any movie released now is capable of providing a plethora of useless content, regardless of the film's quality (see the 2 disc Special Edition of Freddy vs. Jason). There simply isn't room/memory for the trailers anymore, and it really is a shame, for as I said, it's always interesting to see how the film was presented to audiences before being released (especially if it's an older film that was in theaters before my time). I'd easily trade in the feature length "2nd special effects unit" commentary for a two minute trailer, but sadly, it's not up to me. I'm guess I'm just frustrated by the fact that the standard, bare-bones edition of Swingers contains the trailer, and my Special Edition doesn't, but I digress. The point is that trailers can really make or break a film in my book, and below is a list of my very favorites. These just got it right, and by that, I mean they triggered something that swiftly got my ass to see the movie they were advertising. Some of the choices in the trailers were different, but the result was the same: I saw those damn films, and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

So, here we go: a top five list to commemorate movie trailers, my leading tool for procrastination when I was in college, and even today (I should've finished this article hours ago – thanks, youtube). Hold onto your butts!

5: GOODFELLAS

This is a pretty straight-forward trailer, but an incredibly well-rounded, polished one. From the pushed in freeze-frame (a very nice touch) on the doubled over Henry Hill, it really lets you know the ride that you're in for. While showcasing the fantastic soundtrack with properly timed cues (all the songs heard are in the actual film), it also puts Scorsese's directorial genius on full display – you're treated to freeze-frames, rapid dollies, extreme close-ups, jump cuts, and more. After watching, you know that the film will be, at the very least, visually interesting (this aspect of the trailer probably wasn't too much of a challenge, though – Scorsese's style is so purposeful, motivated and precise that they could've stuck any shots in there and it would've worked). The trailer also gives you a nice overview of the story, without completely spoiling the plot (trailers that act as a two minute version of the film tend to bug me, as they often showcase all three acts – why go see it at all?). It shows that you're going to see a very romanticized version of the mafia through the eyes of an insider, but it doesn't go into the chaos that is the film's conclusion, smartly presenting the intriguing story without showing all of its cards. The trailer also features some pretty slick editing, as well – I already mentioned the excellent music cues ("Stardust" kicking in when Karen hits the remote is particularly noteworthy), but the rapid shots in sync with the blaring horns of "Rags to Riches" are fantastic, too. The trailer has two slight missteps, however, which is why I placed it at number five. It features two clichés, both of which I find pretty annoying – the first is when a shot of a gun concludes with a flash of white and "bang" sound effect, implying that it was fired (when in actuality, it's almost never the case). It seems that this played-out trick is used to make the film seem like it has more "action" than it really does, which is kind of treating viewers as if they're numskulls – a gun can appear onscreen without having to fire, you know. I won't get bored, I promise (the trailer for Jackie Brown, does the same thing). The other cliché is the inclusion of that classic "movie voiceover" as the trailer wraps up. Not only that, but he leads in with the incredibly trite "In a world…" That sort of introduction has since become parody (watch my trailer for The Landlord as a perfect example), and hearing it describe my favorite film awkwardly stands out. However, I like the "…a new generation carries on an old tradition" line, so it almost makes up for it.

P.S. This specific trailer seems to have a slightly higher pitch than normal, which I apologize for. It's obvious when the men (particularly De Niro and Liotta) speak that something about the sound is just a little off.

4: STAR WARS - EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES

Man, oh, man – out of everything on the list, I probably have the fondest memories of this trailer, and it's a shame that I can't rank it higher. I remember almost everything about when I first saw it, and to say that it blew me away is an incredible understatement – it wasn't even on the big screen, either. It exclusively premiered for the first time on FOX one Sunday night (after The Simpsons, I believe). As a huge Star Wars fan (including The Phantom Menace), I made a special point of tuning in. My older brother and younger sister joined me, and while I expected it to be cool (it's Star Wars, how could it not be), I had no idea just how floored I would be when it ended. It starts off great – the way the classic, sparkling "Lucasfilm Ltd" logo appears with Return of the Jedi's immediately recognizable music made me giddy from the beginning (fantastic track to pick, as well – the suspenseful horns building up to something grand). The trailer then kicks things off with giving viewers little snippets of action – Obi-Wan dicing someone in a bar (awesome nod to A New Hope), fighting a Boba Fett lookalike in the rain, asteroids being obliterated in a chase, and so on. This was incredibly refreshing, as all the previous teasers for the film, while cool, showed very little in the way of action. It looked as if Attack of the Clones might be one of tamer Star Wars flicks, focusing more on the love story between Anakin and Padme. The footage this new trailer provided, however, put all those concerns to rest. There were also some juicy "oh, shit" moments in the middle, as well – a glimpse into the growing relationship between Palpatine and Anakin, Palpatine's order to create an army of the Republic, and so on. These little tidbits are pure gold for fans when thinking about them within the context of the whole Star Wars saga, so to have such plot points hinted at was an absolute treat. Then came the trailer's conclusion – hoo, boy. Not only did it alleviate worries that the film would contain little action, it all but confirmed that Attack of the Clones would contain the most/best action in the whole sextet, period. The final bits displayed what appeared to be the largest and most impressive Star Wars battle yet – There were hundreds of machines, creatures, troopers, and Jedi (to see dozens of them fighting at once was the coolest thing I'd seen up to that point in my life – it probably still is) all going at it at the same time. The sheer amount of laser blasts, lightsabers, and explosions sharing the same frame had me salivating, and so much was happening in both the foreground and background that multiple viewings revealed new details each time. It ended on a couple high notes, as well, making the wait until May 2002 even more unbearable – Anakin wielding two single lightsabers (I'm such a sucker for original lightsaber usage – the appearance of Darth Maul's dual-bladed weapon in The Phantom Menace brought me the same glee), and the very last shot – a wide angle showing a circle of Jedi, blades drawn, defending themselves against what looked like a million or so droids. There was a quick flash of this before cutting to black, and my jaw hit the floor – to put it simply, I geeked the fuck out. The whole product just came together really well (using music entirely from the original trilogy was a very smart decision – Return of the Jedi's forest battle music for the final moments, in particular), but the main reason I hold this trailer so dear is because it serves as irrefutable proof that the Star Wars universe still has the power to make me feel like I'm ten years old.

3: HAPPY TOGETHER

Considering that I've watched this trailer about four thousand times, it'd be sheer insanity not to include it somewhere on this list. Seriously – although it's much easier to check out whenever I get the impulse nowadays (thanks to youtube), I used to repeatedly navigate the easter egg section of my In the Mood for Love DVD, searching for the Wong Kar-Wai trailers that would lead me to this gem. Although a quick one, it packs one hell of a punch, therefore making the small duration a testament to the trailer's skill and power. It is the first one on this list to employ the technique of simply letting music play over images of the film, which is quite common (and, in my opinion, effective) in foreign cinema. If all the filmmaker has to do to get me to the theater is display out-of-context imagery, then they know they have something special. This is exactly the case with Happy Together's trailer, as it delivers the promise of a heartbreaking and emotional wallop without having the characters utter a word (except for a single line of dialogue at the beginning, as well as some indiscernible yelling here and there – it's barely present, though). Tony Leung and Leslie Cheung's distressed characters are depicted in a number of fashions – sometimes loud and angry with one another, other times calm and tender. The trailer also portrays them in moments of their depressed solitude – again, sometimes fuming, but sometimes quiet and contemplative. It wisely doesn't lean too far in any of these directions (that would simplify the film, making it seem more one-note and hollow than it really is), instead opting to give viewers a glimpse into the inner workings of a complex and meaningful relationship. The trailer confirms that the audience is in good hands as it confidently introduces the talent behind the film – the names of the aforementioned leads, as well as the director himself, zoom into the frame from nothingness as the onscreen actors demonstrate their chops (Tony Leung acts more with his eyes than most American actors do with their entire bodies – note the rack focus onto his reflection in the mirror). Lastly, all the onscreen action plays out over Danny Chung's "Happy Together", a bangin' and arguably superior cover of the popular Turtle's song (which, after searching for years, I finally acquired an mp3 of). With all those elements in place (the music, high caliber acting display, snippets of Wong Kar-Wai's consistently gorgeous, trademark cinematography, and so on), what can I say – it's poetry in motion. The crazy thing is, on the surface, a film about two gay Chinese men in Argentina doesn't seem particularly appealing. Who would have thought it could cast such a spell?

2: DESPERADO

This trailer (along with a specific one for Once Upon a Time in Mexico) completely ruled my life during freshman year of college. My older brother had somehow acquired a very small, terrible quality version of it on his computer, but that didn't stop me from watching it every time I was at his house. Although the first half isn't especially noteworthy ("movie voiceover" guy describing the protagonist, and so on), it has a few nice touches – namely, the promise of a jaw-dropping leading lady (Salma Hayek at the peak of her beauty) and the way Antonio Banderas says, "My guitar." However, what launches this trailer into the number two spot is the second half, which, like the trailer for Happy Together, uses the method of putting music over imagery while using little to no dialogue. Tito Puente's "Para Los Rumberos" (another recently acquired song that my brother and I scoured the internet for since we first saw the trailer) rips onto the soundtrack with an appropriate image to match - an unblinking character walking towards the camera as an explosion goes off behind him. The remainder of the trailer is just like this instance, presenting one cool moment after the other (explosions, people flying through the air, Banderas/Hayek getting physical, and so on) with every edit timed to the beat of the frantic music. The images vary in category to keep things interesting and they range from violence (guns popping upward/out of Banderas' sleeves) to sexual innuendo (girl reaching inside guy's suit jacket) to just plain hilarity (Banderas bitching out Hayek while the bongos pound is genius). You can't ask for much more in terms of action, either, as the trailer exhibits the most interesting gunplay since John Woo's classics – it really lets you know that you're in for a unique ride (shooting while leaping backwards across two buildings – come on). All these moments culminate in what's probably the trailer's best edit – Banderas kissing the shit out of Hayek as the horns blast absolutely kills me every time. A lot can be chalked up to the acting, though, because I think a lot of my joy stems from the way he just shoves his face into hers, resulting in the most uber-masculine kiss I've ever witnessed – that's how you kiss a fucking woman (I digress). The trailer should have snipped out Tarantino's bit (trust me, I was already sold without it), but that's a minor complaint. Rodriguez's sharp editing, shot choice, and music selection (I'm pretty sure he cut the trailer himself) results in one of, if not the, coolest 60 seconds in cinema. Trailers for action flicks don't get much better than this.

1: MASCULINE FEMININE

It's hard to really pinpoint why I'm so enamored with this trailer, but I was in love with it from the very first viewing. It's the absolute best usage of the aforementioned "music over imagery" technique, as I could piece together very little of what the story was about, yet I wanted to get my hands on the movie as soon as possible so I could find out. The combination of everything in the trailer just works and absolutely screams "cool" – the sharp black and white photography, international setting, prominence of smoking (I'm a sucker for that sort of thing, especially in black and white movies – it has a mysterious beauty that I can't quite put my finger on), and so on. I also think the lack of real "action" depicted works for the trailer's benefit, as it focuses much more on the actors (showcasing their faces, mannerisms, and so on) – this results in the promise of a character-driven, dialogue-heavy film that, although quiet, is also compelling and poignant (at least that was the vibe I got from it). The title also led me to believe that the movie would have a heavy focus on the complex relationships and interactions between men and women (those sort of dynamics have always interested me). It really seemed like the sort of story I could get into and be touched by, and this is truly an achievement for the trailer because, as I said before, everything is presented completely out of context. There appeared to be some moments of humor, as well (the woman recoiling as the man kisses her hand, then inappropriately strokes her hair), which led to the trailer's light and entertaining feel. The confident bits of text (roughly timed to the beat, which I'm always appreciative of) were a good addition, as well. I liked their self-assured, straight-forward attitude, letting you know that Jean-Luc Godard is a name that means something and that you should see his fucking movies. Also, who can say no to a film about "Paris, sex, and the Pepsi generation"? As I mentioned above, a story focusing on the romantic dynamic between young people in an exotic location is something I can fully get into, no question. The dramatic presentation of the word "sex" was hilarious, as well – whoever cut this trailer knows what's entertaining, what's worthy of attention, what people are interested in, and the blunt and humorous way that was edited always gets me (I'll be the first to admit that I jacked this technique for the Games and Dames trailer that I cut – if you have to steal, steal from the best). Sadly, the actual film isn't nearly as entertaining as the trailer (I watched it twice during college). I admit that I didn't quite "get" it, but what's funny is, even though I know the movie didn't do much for me, the trailer still makes me want to give it another shot. Maybe my third or fourth viewing will yield different results, as the trailer seems to promise that I'll get so much more out of it than I did. Its quality makes me question myself and my intellect rather than the movie, like there's a problem with me for not enjoying it more – the film itself is fine. It does nothing wrong, and I'm just the submental whose head it went over. Masculine Feminine's trailer is that good, which is why I have the pleasure of granting it the number one spot. Cheers.

P.S. Enough can't be said about the song that plays throughout the trailer (Chantal Goya's "Tu M'as Trop Menti"). Like the other music I mentioned in this list, I searched high and low for an mp3 of it, inquiring on every movie site and forum I could find. After many years, my brother was finally successful and I'm forever in his debt – that music absolutely makes the trailer, and it just wouldn't be the same with any other tune. Fantastic choice.

- Jeff S.

Choice Clip #1: Happy Together

2009-01-17T12:59:00.000-05:00

Great little snippet from Happy Together, Wong Kar-Wai's gem from 1997. The plot centers around two Chinese men (played by Tony Leung and Leslie Cheung) who visit Argentina in an effort to renew their troubled relationship. Just to set up this clip: The two have recently broken up, and Leung's character is now working as a doorman at a tango bar. Cheung, the bastard that he is, has just picked up several other men who he brings to this very same club (most likely to hurt Leung).

Wong Kar-Wai and cinematographer Christopher Doyle are a match made in heaven. Few, if any, directors use slow motion as well as they do, and we get a great example here (particularly starting at 1:58). The show really starts there - notice the subtle shift in focus as the camera zooms out, taking us inside the departing car to reveal a closeup of Leslie Cheung, the very definition of pimp (see Days of Being Wild for further proof). Oh, and the perfectly timed Frank Zappa song is the icing on the cake. Fucking slick.

- Jeff S.

Film Review #1: X-Men: The Last Stand

2009-01-16T00:10:00.000-05:00

NOTE: This review was originally written during the summer of 2006. I'd like to think my writing has slightly improved since then, so just keep that in mind while reading. I should also mention that this entry contains spoilers for the film, as well as "X-Men" and "X2: X-Men United".

Unnecessary. Sit in a damn chair.
I was eagerly awaiting the release of the third film in the X-Men franchise, and why not? After all, I was blown away by the first movie (which lit the fuse on the whole superhero film craze of the new millennium – it later exploded with the release of Spider-Man in 2002), and it was not merely because I was 15 years old and easier to please. X-Men easily stands the test of time and continues to entertain, as well as impress me with each viewing. X2: X-Men United was even better and, considering its dynamite setup for the third installment, I had absolutely no reason to think that the next film wouldn't floor me, as well…until I heard that director Bryan Singer and the key members of his production team (who were responsible for the two previous films) would not be involved. The placement of Brett Ratner (the mastermind behind the Rush Hour movies and The Family Man) in the director's chair didn't alleviate my concerns, either. I was then particularly worried when the movie's full theatrical trailer failed to impress. Usually, the final trailer for movies that I am anticipating (like other action/adventure films, such as Spider-Man 2 and Revenge of the Sith) knocks me right on my ass, but this one was disappointingly average. Hell, the teaser trailer for Spider-Man 3 tickled me more. Nevertheless, I walked into X-Men: The Last Stand with the hope that my previous worries would be unjustified. Unfortunately, that was not the case, and while I guess you could call the film a good time at the movies, it was clearly the weakest in the trilogy and a depressing finale for several reasons.

The key problem with X-Men: The Last Stand is that it tried to fit entirely too much into one film. It's completely backwards that the film with by far the most climactic moments in the trilogy also happens to have the shortest running time. The significant events that occur in the movie are simply not given the proper emotional weight that they deserve, and it becomes abundantly clear that this is the first film in the series that treats the X-Men franchise solely as action/popcorn entertainment, discarding the maturity and grace that were present in the previous two installments. Several mutants in the film, mutants that have served as major characters in the first two, are either killed off or stripped of their powers without any true recognition of the events' seriousness. For instance, after Mystique takes several power-removing darts to the chest in order to protect Magneto, we are given approximately four seconds to take this in before the film casually jumps to its next scene, never to acknowledge this momentous occurrence again. We don't even get to witness Phoenix's murder of Cyclops, and the clumsy way in which it's revealed to us (Wolverine finding his shades and simply telling us later) made me certain that it was all a hoax – he somehow made it out alive, it could have been a dream, anything. However, all bets were off when Charles Xavier's head literally exploded before my eyes (again, courtesy of Phoenix). We are then treated to a frank and brief funeral before swiftly moving on to a "cutesy" scene where Iceman freezes a pond and takes Shadowcat ice-skating, as if nothing had happened. The founder/leader of the X-Men's head blows up and all we get is Storm reciting a generic, 30 second "…and he was the Professor, blah blah blah" speech? It was this moment that I realized, "Holy shit. The movie really is dicing all these characters this haphazardly." Now, I am not against killing off characters in these movies – I understand that they are not the literal translation of the comic book and don't have to follow it exactly. However, if the decision is made to essentially wipe out half the cast within 104 minutes, it must be done so in a manner which gives these deaths the dramatic significance that they are worthy of. When this subject is compared to how it was handled in X2: X-Men United, it is easy to see how X-Men: The Last Stand missteps. In that installment, the entire team completely fucking loses it when they merely think that Jean Grey (a fairly worthless mutant to begin with – she freaks out almost every time she uses her powers, requiring Cyclops and/or Wolverine to immediately run to her aid) might be dead. Just that possibility was presented as a truly devastating tragedy, not a mild inconvenience like in X-Men: The Last Stand.

Another complaint that I had with the film revolves around the believability of the few characters that do make it out alive. The actions of Wolverine, Storm, and Rogue don't particularly jive well with their behavior in the two previous films. Wolverine, although slightly hesitant about sticking with the team over pursuing Jean, gradually slides into a bland "leadership" role, losing any kind of rebellious edge and personality he had before – think Han Solo in Return of the Jedi. This is epitomized in the scene where he gives the other members of the team an exceptionally corny and very out-of-character pep talk before heading into the final showdown. It seemed like a speech more suited for someone like Cyclops – oh wait, he was killed off in the film's prolog (the cavalier attitude towards these shocking demises made me forget). There's also Storm, who, out of motherfucking nowhere, gets an annoyingly hefty chunk of screen time and dialogue. It is even suggested by the Professor (obviously before his head exploded) that Storm become the new leader of the X-Men (and before you call me on it, I am aware of Storm's leadership role in the source material, but hey - this ain't the comic book). What the fuck, am I missing something? The leap from being a minor supporting character in the first two films to a major player in this one is incredibly noticeable and awkward, particularly with the knowledge that it stemmed from Halle Berry's diva attitude, complaining that her character was not developed enough and barely got to use her powers (I guess electrocuting Toad in X-Men and diverting missles with tornadoes in X2: X-Men United doesn't count). For Christ's sake, considering that she delivered what is one of the worst lines in cinematic history towards the end of the first X-Men film (do I really have to remind everybody what it was?), she should be thankful that she was invited back at all. Now, although the writers and Singer himself are more responsible for that garbage piece of dialogue making it to the final cut than Berry is, the fact that it came out of her malcontent, uncooperative lips made it all the more infuriating. It comes to me as true poetic justice that she apparently projectile vomited when filming the physically exhausting scenes in which she, at long last, got to "use her powers". And lastly there's Rogue, whose insecurity over her inability to engage in physical human contact drives her to actually receive the mutant cure voluntarily. Now, although it is easy to sympathize with her, Rogue's blunt attitude regarding her dilemma seems to clash with the understanding and acceptance that she gained in the other two films. This sort of emotionally distraught behavior made perfect sense for the majority of the first movie, but after Wolverine and Rogue's scene on the train, I need some kind of explanation for this complete reversal of her mindset. Perhaps this was to fuel the thoroughly unnecessary love triangle between herself, Iceman, and Shadowcat (I guess you gotta give those preteens some reason to flock to the theater), but whatever the reason, I found the aforementioned mutants acting out of character really distracting and it took me out of the story a lot more than I would have preferred.

The copious amount of action in the film was a mixed bag for me, despite the amazing special effects, which I admit were as impressive as ever. Magneto provided the best moments, such as when he was crumpling vehicles on the road with a flick of his wrist or whirling them at humans as Pyro set them ablaze - those were true visual treats that definitely kept my eyes glued to screen. Other scenes didn't work as well, such as the final showdown between the two mutant teams and the humans. Most of that had to do with the actual mutants involved. The only notable X-Men we got were Wolverine, Storm, and Beast – the rest of their team more or less consisted of the underdeveloped teeny-boppers (Iceman, Shadowcat, and Colossus). Not to bash these characters themselves (they're completely solid in the comic books), but why should I give a shit if Colossus suddenly bites the dust? All the audience knows him as is the dude that carried the TV earlier on ("Oh, no - Who'll move shit, now?"). It was the same for Magneto's crew, as well. Outside of Magneto, Pyro, and Juggernaut (who could have been handled better – he didn't do a whole lot outside of what was seen in the trailer), it was all a bunch of no-name Morlocks. Were we honestly supposed to give a flying fuck if the porcupine dude and bitch with the purple hair got slaughtered? It would have been far more impressive if we got to see more noteworthy mutants with somewhat interesting powers. The fact that I simply didn't care about 90% of the remaining cast completely shattered any emotional tension that this supposed ultimate battle could have had. Unfortunately, Ratner chose to axe most of the mutants that were the least bit three-dimensional and leave us with cardboard cutouts to engage in the fight of all fights – good job there, director. The showdown between Iceman and Pyro was also somewhat disappointing, considering the large buildup behind it (people were craving for these two to throw off the gloves and go at it halfway through X2: X-Men United). Although I did like Iceman's final conversion to his ice form (just like in the comic books – nice touch), there was endless creative potential for the battle itself. Instead, all we got was a tame Street Fighter II-esque unleashing of the characters' fire/ice elements ("Haduken!"). The film's interpretation of Phoenix was somewhat of a letdown, as well. While I admit that it was pretty cool to see her essentially disintegrate everyone around her into ashes with barely any effort, the majority of the movie just had her standing around like a menacing robot. I would have rather seen the large bird of flames that the ending of X2: X-Men United promised instead of a homely, beady-eyed version of Famke Janssen. Oh, well.

What's most depressing about X-Men: The Last Stand is the enormous amount of potential that it had. This shows with the gutsy decision to delve into the Phoenix storyline to begin with and the larger plot involving the mutant cure (which has incredible relevance in today's society, just as the comics and other two films do). There were also lots of fanboy moments in the film that brought a geeky smile to my face, such as Colossus and Wolverine's "fastball special", the Days of Future Past-esque danger room sequence, and the overall character of Beast, who they nailed pretty well (he's no Nightcrawler, but hey, that set the bar pretty high). As a matter of fact, the film might have benefited from taking some of Berry's screen time and using it to develop Beast a little further. There were even a couple of scenes that expressed character depth which I really appreciated – early on, when a young Angel frantically attempts to cut off his wings, and later, when Magneto immediately comes to Xavier's defense after an ignorant remark from Pyro. Well done instances like those mentioned above certainly make X-Men: The Last Stand watchable and a fun way to kill some time, but for every little moment the film does right, there is a huge one that it does completely wrong. The movie clearly trades in the dignity of the X-Men franchise for quick summer fluff, which is a path that the previous two films definitely avoided. They were able to strike that excellent balance of having thrilling, comic-book style action with a story that has enough heart to make you actually give a shit about what's going on. X-Men: The Last Stand's blunt refusal to bat an eye as momentous events happen to characters who have been carefully molded and developed in the first two films is just a reminder of the depressing, cinematic trend that a trilogy's third chapter almost always slips up. The change in director is truly unfortunate, as was Fox's decision to rush the film's release date, for one only wonders what Singer's version of the last X-Men installment would have been like. The fact that it was essentially traded in for a glossy, yet inferior remake of Superman makes my fucking stomach turn.

- Jeff S.

Letting you know the score...

2009-01-15T03:50:00.000-05:00

Hello, everyone - welcome to "Mo' Better Blogging", the official blog of the Indianapolis-based film production company, "Bottoms Up Productions". This initial post is simply a greeting of sorts, just to give people the skinny on what to expect from this site.

Basically, as I say in the "About Me" profile, writing and talking about film and the entertainment industry as a whole are great passions of mine. I have a lot to say on a wide variety of topics in those fields, so this blog will provide much-needed structure for all of the following:

1) Film reviews/articles I've written in the past and will write in the future.
2) Quick access to the videos I've produced (see the sidebar and myspace/youtube links).
3) Updates on the latest Bottoms Up Productions project.
4) Various rants/ravings on whatever happens to be plaguing me at that moment.

Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with what I'm saying, comments are always appreciated, as I'm definitely looking for the opportunity to stir up some good discussion. While I'll do my best to post regularly and keep things fun and entertaining, you'll probably find some entries more amusing than others, so hang in there. Remember - here at Bottoms Up Productions, ambition trumps talent!

- Jeff S.